Montauk Pioneer - April 24, 2009

A woman living in Montauk reported to police that somebody put up a sign at the end of her driveway that read "Maloney's Pub Free Beer." The Montauk Pioneer conducted an investigation and discovered that there is a Maloney's Pub on 7660 Beechmont Ave in Milford, Ohio. We have yet to figure out how the two are related and suspect that they aren't. However, after a vist to Maloney Pub's website we did learn that they offer amazing deals, including a "Bring your own mug night" where beer drinkers can bring any mug they have up to 32 oz. and have it filled with beer for just $1.75!

Bernie Madoff's house in Montauk has gone on the market for $50 billion. The feds are hoping that they can use the money to repay back victims of the fraudster. There are no bites yet, however, it should be noted that the Rolling Stones once said, "That's one hell of a house."

Montauk and East Hampton officials have reportedly considered limiting the number of food stands such ice-cream mobiles and hot dog stands. The limit is being looked into because of complaints that the trucks are blocking restroom areas. There are also indications that the town is interested in charging more than $250 for the peddlers license that it currently charges.

A man reported that somebody wrote the word "truth" in black magic market outside of his Montauk home. There were no witnesses to the incident and very few people care about the incident as well.

The editor of the Montauk Pioneer would like to officially apologize to the many parents that he infuriated over the last week when the cover of the skateboarder with no helmet hit newsstands. Many parents complained that their children argued with them that they didn't need to wear a helmet. This is an official message to you kids, WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU SKATEBOARD OR BIKE RIDE!

The federal government has officially canned the Broadwater project. Of course, Broadwater is thinking about appealing. The company has argued it would reduce energy prices. Look, if we can have a gas barge the size of the Queen Mary in the Long Island Sound but a Montauk fisherman can't catch any fluke in the summer time, something is wrong. Goodbye Broadwater.

The Montauk Library will be having their board elections this Saturday. Two candidates are running unopposed to the board of trustees, Lynda Bostrom and Lisa Valcich. We gave them a call the other day, but they "shushed" us, just kidding. Get down to the Library with your kids, it's a great place.

Looks like Montauk is about to get a new Chinese restaurant. The folks at Chinatown in East Hampton have confirmed that they are opening up a Chinatown II, which will also offer Japanese food. They are going to be located on 8 South Etna Ave.