Montauk Pioneer - September 5, 2008 -

There is definitely something going on in your personal life that you need to figure out. There may be some trouble brewing with one of your friends, but don't worry, all can be solved with coffee heath bar ice cream from John's Drive-In. Expect something to happen between you and a Leo business contact. There is money to be made on a fishing bet.

Everything you are about to read right now will change your life completely. Stay focused on the softball my friend, there are big homeruns coming your way if you let it happen. Don't let a friends tale of a big fish take away from your big wave story. There is no hope with that chick/guy you met at three in the morning, as Indiana Jones' dad says at the end of the movie, "Let it go."

Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is going to be alright. It's all good, it's alright, fish all day, bar b q all night. Keep it real, you haven't been keeping it real lately.

You have to be a little bit more direct and not expect people to know what you are thinking. If you wanted the last of the margaritas last night, you should have said something, come on man.

Each time you expose your family to flatulence you lose respect, however, each time you expose your friends to your flatulence, you gain respect. Remember that there are no wrong ways to live and silent but deadlies can ruin your marriage if you are not careful.

Deal with the fact that your house is messy by getting a cleaning lady already. For crying out loud, nobody wants to see the ant farm that has opened up shop underneath your refrigerator anymore. Get some pizza from Pizza Village this week, unexpected things will happen.

For whatever reason, everything is going right in your life right now except for one thing that really is sticking out. If you fix that up, nothing else will be wrong and there will be no problems forever. This is the last problem, I swear.

Each time you open your mouth you need to do two things. First make sure that there is no food in your mouth. Second, make sure that you are not about to say something extremely stupid.

Get your fishing rod and go fishing. What the hell is wrong with you?

Get your surfboard and go surfing, what the hell is wrong with you?

Bust out your bar-b-que and have some friends over, what the hell is wrong with you?

Take your family to the movies to see Tropic Thunder and so many positive things in your life will occur the following week it will be ridiculous.

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