Dan's Papers - March 21, 2008 - Mini-Movie Reviews

Teachers will just love having to undo the damage caused by this lame story that condenses a few million years of history into a single time period and one awful hour-and-a-half movie. The jumping and fighting is acceptable, but the CGI effects are weak and the transformation of cavemen into early versions of All-American action heroes is pathetic. Our ancestors had a word that said it best: UGH.

In this funny, family-friendly comedy, the sassy girl from "That's so Raven" plays a good high school girl who wants to let loose as she tours America's universities - but her dad (Martin Lawrence) comes along for the ride. Can't a girl go to a frat party in peace? Stay sober, Raven.

Scientists must create a cure for a lethal virus that is on the loose in London. You've probably seen this movie before in some form - and liked it!

This horror remake offers a mundane family getting slowly tortured - abused by sophisticated freaks, both psychologically and physically. Don't take the kids.

A lushly animated and extended version of the Dr. Seuss classic: the jovial elephant named Horton (Jim Carrey) hears a sound emanating from a grain on a flower, in which lives a tiny town named Whoville. It quickly becomes a race against sour kangaroos and greasy vultures to save this lint-sized discovery from annihilation. Wonderful!

Ellen Page stars as the underage know-it-all who grows up after finding out she's pregnant. A proud 21st Century descendant of teen classics like Clueless, Pretty in Pink and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, you'll be glad to see that cool kids haven't changed all that much. Nominated for 4 Oscars, won 1 for Best Screenplay.

Frances McDormand plays a frumpy fish-out-of-water from 1939 who takes a gig organizing for a celebrity beauty, only to end up handling the star's love life in the process. Makeovers, true love and snappy patter ensues.

Djimon Hounsou becomes a mentor for a rebellious high schooler who finds himself in an underground fight club. Testosterone and such ensues in what seems like it should have gone straight to DVD.

The film from overseas that everyone's crowing about; an Egyptian police band ends up in the wrong Israeli town, so the local cafe owner (Ronit Elkabetz) gets them accommodations for the evening. From prejudice to seduction, it strolls through the maze of human nature. Readers welcome - as subtitles cover the Hebrew and Egyptian Arabic, plus the film's characters bridge with English.