By Dan Rattiner

Hello? Hello? I'm on this computer. This is Daryl. I'm working the night shift here, guarding the Hampton Subway main office, or what used to be the Hampton Subway main office, because I am sure you know by now, with the riots and the demonstrations and angry letters and everything, that the Hampton Subway is no more. It's being converted into a private "members only" club. The entrances are all blocked off with security guards. The new owners are Harold Goldenstein and Sheik Ali Xavier Bedoin of Saudi Arabia, those two guys now related by marriage - their kids got married on the subway two months ago when Commissioner Aspinall shut it down for two days just for that wedding - and it's now being converted to what they are going to call the Hamptonia Subway Club, to be used just by these two guys and their families and friends. I think you're a friend if you can pony up the $1 million initiation fee. I'm told they're looking for 300 members.

So what are they gonna do? Just go around and around in these "de Luxe" subway cars all day? I guess so. They're pretty posh and they're converting all the other cars into "de Luxe" cars too.

I think this must be the Hampton Subway Newsletter software. Poor Mr. Aspinall. The old commissioner's office is right over there in the next room. I think they're converting it to a wine cellar.

Aspinall has got himself arrested big time. It's all hush hush. He's being accused of graft, embezzlement, swindling, misuse of funds, poor record keeping, lying under oath and I think the total is 24 different charges. They're even charging him with bribery. Apparently, that's how his daughter got chosen to be the "Voice of the Hampton Subway."

I liked the guy anyway. So I wish him well. I'm going to miss the Hampton Subway. It really got us around. Twenty-two stations, service 20 hours a day, tokens just a dollar. It's been in use, easing the traffic problems aboveground here since 1978. And it was a hit from the get go. Thirty years. And I worked the last 22 of them.

There's been a whole generation of people who will remember it, and will remember being able to get around from town to town so fast and seamlessly. I know this is America, and the deal is that it's the land of opportunity so we can all get ahead. I think we all wish that we could be members of this members only club. Although certainly it's been said, in anger by some guy this past week after the closing was announced, that the rich are all welcome to live down there with caviar and champagne and white glove service getting driven around, and that's where they belong. But that's just sour grapes, if you ask me.

The Hamptonia Subway Club is looking for several assistant managers. Also a spa manager and a world-class chef. I think Daniel Bolud is involved. A small part of it - I think the part up in North Sea - is going to be an underground private golf course. The North Sea Platform is going to have tennis courts. There's also hundreds and hundreds of jobs they want to fill, if you're interested. I think the place is going to reopen for Memorial Day. But if you do join, you have to know that you're not allowed to talk to the press about the club. It's a rule. Which, I guess, kind of means I've broken the law.

Well, maybe the State will step in and buy it. They should, if you ask me. We really need this thing.

Anyway, somebody's coming, so I've got to go. Bye.

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