Dan's Papers - March 14, 2008

Last week, Bravo premiered "The Real Housewives of New York City," a spin-off of the network's reality hit series "The Real Housewives of Orange County." Bravo has made a brand name for women who vow to party as hard as they work (being married or having kids is not a requirement).

Although audacious and nouveau, we're not convinced that these housewives have "real" New Yorker sensibilities. Real New Yorkers, by our definition, have an element of chic. Though they consider themselves savvy chic, we wouldn't even call these New Yorkers shabby chic. In fact, we're not really sure what the show's allure is, since, in our opinion, these women have little sex appeal and only seem to be trying to outspend one another with their insatiable appetites for luxuries. Reality television is often the result of clever editing and faux environmental situations, but this series should be interesting to watch because the vanity in Manhattan and the Hamptons actually is real. And what a popular genre it is nowadays. Bravo calls it a "docu-soap," which is a little silly, because we're not so certain that this series is as unscripted as it appears to be. We're also counting how many times these new reality stars get name-dropped in the Post's "PageSix" column.

With the first episode of "The Real Housewives of New York City" shot last summer, it came as no surprise that much of it took place in the Hamptons. If you didn't get the chance to meet the housewives last week, here is a rundown.

Ramona Singer, a career woman who buys excess inventory and resells it to discount stores, hails from the Upper East Side (UES) and starts off the show by saying, "I'm proud of being a sexy Mom, even though at times it drives my daughter crazy." Her daughter Avery, 12, who was "raised conservatively," brilliantly upholds this bizarre mother/daughter role reversal as Ramona packs her bags for the Hamptons - "Skirts, skirts and more skirts, you can never have enough short skirts for the Hamptons," says Ramona, as she flashes an array of miniskirts then asks her daughter's opinion of a pair of bright green daisy dukes. A displeased Avery replies desperately, "Mommm, nooo."

Ramona's husband Mario runs a third generation business that sells religious articles. Footage of the couple dancing at a party proves their marriage is full of zest. In a scene shot poolside at their Hamptons home, Ramona says, "My friends love to flirt with my husband, and he doesn't mind," and then proceeds to chat with her friends about pole dancing, stripping and what the acronym "MILF" stands for, all in front of her tween daughter. "Are you serious? You're so embarrassing. What's your problem?" Avery asks as she stomps away from the pool in disgust. "She's become my mother," Ramona says to her girlfriends.

Other members of the cast include:

Jill Zarin, who owns Zarin Fabric and Home Furnishings on the Lower East Side with her husband Bobby, explains, "I'm a Manhattan socialite and I get my picture taken for a lot of fancy magazines and I love it."

LuAnn de Lesseps, a former model and Ms. Connecticut beauty pageant contestant turned Countess (after marrying an Italian Count, Alexandre de Lesseps, whom she met while modeling in Milan, and whose family built the Suez Canal and gave the Statue of Liberty to the French for America). She lives in a townhouse on the UES and has a daughter, Victoria, 12, and a son, Noel, 10.

LuAnn's housekeeper Rosanna is her "right hand man" and shadows her every move. As they pack their bags for a summer in the Hamptons, LuAnn says, "I'm running the operations and she [Rosanna] is doing the actual manual attack." When the family leaves, Rosanna sits on the stairs and sighs with relief/exhaustion.

Bethanny Frankel is a single divorcée commonly referred to as the "runaway bride." Her goal in life is to be a "modern, healthy Martha Stewart" and she has the Hamptons on lockdown with her health column for Hamptons Magazine and career as a natural foods chef for many East End celebrities through her business "Bethanny Bakes." She also has an acute observation on the culture in the Hamptons - "a combination of Waspiness and Jew." Frankel was also a runner-up on the reality show "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart," and she's dating a Wall Streeter, but she is far from a housewife and more like a modern day princess career woman. She hopes to one day ditch the UES, have kids and shack up in a downtown loft. And although she enjoys the beach, surfing and margaritas, when it comes to summering in the Hamptons, she says, "It's a vulgar display of wealth. I'm a little anti."

And there is Alex "I don't wanna ever live in the suburbs" McCord (she grew up in Kansas, can you blame her?) has a career in visual merchandising and is married to Simon van Kempen, a native Australian who has worked in the luxury hotel industry in four countries, and currently runs an upscale boutique hotel in New York City. The couple met on an international dating website in 1999 and have been "inseparable ever since." Together they have two sons, Francois, 3, and Johan, 1, whom they are raising as bilingual with the help of their $30,000 per year French au pair. "It's doing your children a disservice if they don't speak more than one language," explains Alex.