Dan's Papers - March 7, 2008 - Dwarf Luggage Thieves Strike Again In Sweden

Every few days, I come across an item in the news that is just so odd. I do try to write about these things for the paper by expanding upon them or finding some sort of social relevance with the East End, but with the two items I am going to tell you about now, I just come up blank.

First of all, there are the dwarf thieves of Sweden. This came up in the news during the first week in February. It seems that for several months a bus company that takes people on long distance journeys from Stockholm to Vasteras has had many claims of jewelry and other valuables being stolen from the suitcases in the luggage bay. They are warning passengers not to leave any valuables in the suitcases stowed in the luggage bay. Before you get on the bus, take out your diamonds and gold earrings and wear them as you travel. Nothing important should be left below down there.

The officials of this Swedish bus company, called Swebus, have come to the conclusion that on the occasions when these thefts have happened, one of the pieces of luggage must have in it a very small person. Perhaps one of the Gypsy Dwarves of Bulgaria or something. The bus leaves the station and is humming along the highway and this small person makes his way out of his luggage, goes into everybody else's luggage, takes out the valuables and then returns with it to his own luggage. He gets inside, locks himself up, and, when the bus arrives at its destination, he is unloaded onto the platform with all the other stuff. Some burly fellow then carries him off. Later, they count the loot.

To counteract this, Swebus has announced that they plan to put surveillance cameras in the luggage bays of their busses. They also intend to inspect all large bags, particularly those that are duffle bags held together at the top with rope fashioned in a bow. One way or another they will get to the bottom of this.

Another luggage bay story comes from an American Airlines 757 aircraft that was flying over the Rockies westbound toward San Francisco three months ago. It had departed from Newark Airport.

Suddenly, the pilot found that some of the controls that steer the plane were malfunctioning. He was able to continue along, but it was a struggle. He'd have to make an emergency landing somewhere soon. He informed the crew and the crew informed the passengers. It appeared that some of the lines going toward the tail of the plane had been severed somewhere. There were backup steering lines, but even a few of them seemed to be malfunctioning. Now he could only make left turns. Nevertheless, he slowed down, steadied the plane as he approached the runway and then, finally, made a successful emergency landing in Salt Lake City.

All the passengers were shaken but happy to be alive, and they were escorted off the plane. Down below, the baggage handlers opened the luggage bay to be confronted by a large black lab, wagging his tail and displaying a whole lot of wires in his mouth.

From what anybody can figure out, the lab, who had been brought aboard in a crate, had somewhere over Ohio chewed his way out of the crate. He walked around in the luggage bay for a while, sniffing the different bags, and then decided he didn't like it in there and ought to try to get out. The door was locked. So he went to plan B. He'd chew his way out.

By St. Louis, he had chewed his way through the interior paneling along one wall, then over Kansas City he chewed his way to the wiring and the insulation, which he began to rip out with his front paws and teeth. He was making progress.

Zipping over Nebraska, he tore out the metal cover of the wiring, and was happily beginning to get through the wires themselves when the plane began wobbling left to right and back. He would be through and out very soon. He could hear the wind whistling along on the other side of the metal skin of the aircraft. He'd have himself out in just a few more minutes.

And then the plane landed, the cargo bay door opened and there he was. Hey, look at me! And then he jumped down and ran around for a while, celebrating.