The Sheltered Islander

The Sheltered Islander #438
Would you like that to go

By Sally Flynn

Maya Angelou said you can tell a lot about a person by how they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.

Today, I was handling #2, lost luggage. My son had spent Winter Break in Seattle with his Dad. Dad bought him a new Xbox and several games that were in the suitcase that was not appearing on the luggage carousel at the Delta Baggage Claim in JFK.

We got there before the luggage and watched at a safe distance as each bag came down the chute. 95% of the luggage that appeared was black, so 95% of the passengers crowded the carousel, masking a mild anxiety that someone else would grab their black bag by mistake. I’ve seen it happendozens of times. Somebody yanks off a bag, checks the tag, it’s not theirs, they heave it back on the carousel. Only 5% of people in America are smart enough to employ this useful observation and buy distinctive luggage. My son and I waited in comfortable chairs for the appearance of a bag covered with a garish pattern of brightly multicolored blocks. Eventually, the carousel stopped. All the black bags were gone. All the designer bags and their imitations were gone. Myself and three other people stood at the bottom of the chute of the motionless carousel, looked up and prayed to the Lord, from whence cometh our bags — or not.

One man, who was not handling the lost luggage test well (and probably just throws out tangled Christmas lights, I bet) began cursing and hailed the nearest Delta employee who assured us that all the bags were in. It was time to suck it up.

Myself, two other women, and the Cursing Man, absorbed the shock as we made our way to the office, the tiny, dimly lit, Baggage Claim Office. It was armed, I mean staffed with only two, very frightened looking employees. The two other women and myself instinctively slowed our pace just enough to let Cursing Man go first. It was like we all knew, that in addition to not handling lost luggage well, waiting patiently in line wasn’t going to happen either.

And we were right. Cursing Man launched into a tirade that involved slamming the claim form on the counter and castigating the Delta girl, like it was her fault. You could see she was doing her best. The other gal, obviously more experienced, stepped in and took over. I know that under her Delta jacket she had a concealed weapon, because she gave Cursing Man the ‘look’ of a fearless complaint department employee and said calmly, “Raising your voice doesn’t help, sir.” But in her eyes, I could see, “Beneath this counter I have a gun pointed straight at your crotch, go ahead, make my day....”

When I got to the counter, I got the gal with the gun, so I was very nice. I could hear her release the hammer and slide the gun back into the waistband of her skirt. I filled out the form and everything went very smoothly as she gave me my claim number and told me how I could check on their search progress online. I’ve always found that when you are nice to people who have tough jobs, they are so appreciative, they will go the extra mile for you. She put her name and direct number on my claim form so I could call her if I needed to. I KNOW Cursing Man didn’t get her direct number...

Outside, waiting for a cab, I heard a string of profanity about lost luggage. I was shocked. My son had become Cursing Man.

“Jacob! Where did you learn such language?”

“Look Mom, they lost my *&@!* Xbox! I’m going to sue their &^!*@ till they bleed!”

“Jake, lost luggage is going to happen once in a while. You have to learn to handle the unexpected things that life throws at you. How would Daddy handle this?” I knew as soon as the words exited my mouth that was the wrong thing to say.

“Dad would have demanded to see the President of Delta!” came the accurate response. Cursing Man was a pansy compared to Jake’s Dad when it comes to situations like this. Only the appearance of security guards would calm him down.

“Jake, an Xbox is just a thing. It can be replaced...”

“Yeah? Well what if it was a suitcase with your jewelry in it?”

“Not the same thing. Jewelry is far more important than a stupid Xbox,” I said as I mentally pushed him in front of oncoming traffic.

Let me tell you, Cursing Man has nothing on Well of Deep Rage Woman...