Dan's Papers -February 27, 2009

Police in Montauk drew their guns at a man who was refusing to cooperate with them and had police thinking he was carrying a pistol. The man was just a few hundred yards from the Montauk School when police arrived for a domestic violence call involving that individual. The man kept his hand in his pocket and was pacing around as police gave him orders to take his hand out of his pocket, and officers could see a black object. Finally one of the officers was able to tackle the man to the ground, who was armed with a black paint ball gun. And that, my friends, is how you get your ass thrown in jail.

The little old lady who stole half a million dollars from the Montauk Fire Department is headed off to prison to begin her sentence. She was able to reduce the amount of prison time she got by paying off a good portion of what she stole with a check. Hopefully, she didn't get the money from that check from the East Hampton Fire Department. That would be just nuts.

A Westhampton Beach man called police and reported that $2,000 worth of Christmas decorations were stolen from his home in mid-February. Yes, it is true folks. There is a guy in Westhampton Beach that spends $2,000 on Christmas decorations. And I'm sure that none of his neighbors would ever want those to just disappear from their lives because $2,000 worth of Christmas decoration on a home just looks lovely to everybody in the neighborhood three months out of the year.

There was a noise on Shelter Island last week. Police investigated, but it turned out to be a squirrel that sneezed.

Police in Amagansett received a report from a homeowner that there appeared to be somebody living in a home who was not welcome there. The freeloader had left behind trash, dishes in the sink and a messy bed. Sounds like if you want to get away with freeloading, you need to be good at cleaning up after yourself.

A man from the North Fork was very angry that he was unable to buy beer from a store in Bridgehampton. The store refused to sell him beer even though the man is older than 21 years of age. So the beerless man called police in the hopes that they would tell the storeowner to sell him beer. Police arrived at the scene and took down some information, including that of the man who was complaining about the store. They then ran the man's name through a computer, only to find out that there was an active warrant out for his arrest. His charge? An open alcohol violation that he never paid. You can't make this stuff up.

A woman apparently crashed a party at her own house a few days ago in East Hampton. The woman walked into her house and the second that she did, she heard somebody run through the house and out the door at top speed, then found an open bottle of alcohol inside of her house on the top floor.