Police Blotter
Assault With Cocktail Sauce
A woman in Hampton Bays was
arrested inside of her home after she threw a glass jar of cocktail
sauce at her live-in boyfriend during an argument. When the cocktail
sauce jar hit him in the face, it cut him above his left eye. After
the arrest, police told the man to throw out all the pineapples
and coconuts in the house before she came back.
* * *
Boat Drift
An unmanned, unidentified boat was
found drifting aimlessly off of coast of Shelter Island. Police
were called and they found out that the boat was originally from
Greenport. The boat explained himself to police, telling them that
he had been chasing after his long lost love, a Catamaran named
Shelly.
* * *
Bad Friend
A man in Amagansett called police
after a friend of his took his truck and did not return it. The
man called police again two days later to tell them that his truck
had been returned, but his cell phone had been stolen from it. Police
told him to call the cell phone and tell his friend that he is a
bonehead.
* * *
V-Day
Somebody sprayed “Happy V-Day”
on a public building in East Hampton. Police are looking for a hopelessly
romantic graffiti artist.
* * *
Airport Doughnuts
Somebody drove onto the runway at
the East Hampton airport and started doing doughnuts on it. Police
were called the next day when the tire tracks were found on the
runway. It is believed that the driver broke in through an unsecured
gate, drove their car around in circles and then took off.
* * *
Intoxicated Guy
A 70-year-old Southampton man was
arrested after he was caught drinking beer that he did not pay for
inside of a grocery store. When the man attempted to get a five-cent
refund on the beer bottle by recycling it, the police were called.
* * *
Computer Crime
A man from Westhampton called police
after he turned on his computer and found that it had been used
to visit pornographic websites. Whoever used his computer also used
his credit card to pay for the website memberships. The man believes
that the he has been tricked into paying for the services since
October. There is no word yet on whether or not the man plans to
cancel the services.
* * *
More Identity Theft
A man from Greenport reported to
police that his credit card had been stolen and that charges for
an expensive dinner, flowers and some expensive jewelry were made
on it on Valentines Day. After the man reported the theft to police,
his wife said, “why the heck didn’t you get those things
for me?”
– Written
and compiled by David Lion Rattiner
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