Classic Cars with Bob Gelber

There's a lot of weird stuff going on with new cars today. Maybe it's just pressure from marketing departments for the latest gizmos, but some of them really insult a buyer's intelligence. I've said this in an earlier column but it bears repeating.

Let's begin with Volvo. One of their models has an optional feature that includes a "heads up" display that flashes inside the windshield in front of the driver to tell him if he's going to hit anything. It also makes a beeping sound. There's a similar yet much more simple device in most every other car called "eyes." Volvo has another insulting option called a heartbeat monitor. It sends a signal to the owner's key that there is an evildoer hiding in his or her backseat. Don't people lock their cars? What about looking into and around your car before you enter? Volvo is taking the role of Big Brother, adding unnecessary options that can cause more electrical problems down the road.

There is also a new craze called push button starting. Most people don't remember that cars of the '20s, '30s and '40s all had push button starting. I had an old '46 Chevy truck that had a giant push button on the floor that had to be kicked down and held with one's foot to start the truck. I think it was Buick that had a push button starter under the clutch, so you had to fully push the clutch to the floor to engage the starter button. It was clever because it prevented the car from being accidentally started in gear. When most cars converted to key starting only, it was considered a major advancement in automotive design. Most people have no idea that push button starting is an antiquated design that has been dusted off and brought back to life.

What about the Lexus that parks itself? If it were up to Volvo and Lexus, our cars would make decisions for us. I like to drive a car that I can control, not one that controls me. I don't even like climate control.

The quest for new gadgets is really nothing new in the automotive world. At a New York Auto Show in the '50s, crowds went wild over a new technical achievement called power steering. General Motors had several displays with two steering wheels mounted side by side. One steering wheel was without power steering and the other had this new feature. When comparing each wheel, people realized the awesome difference in effort needed to turn the steering wheel with power steering. Needless to say, power steering was a huge hit. In retrospect, the car companies overdid it, and too much boost to the power steering made it feel too light, taking away the driver's feel for the road. Amazingly, Detroit manufacturers kept over-boosted steering on all of their models from the '50s to 2000. Since then, power steering has been greatly improved. My old '55 Chevy pickup was a nostalgic looking collector truck, but its only weakness was lack of power steering. It wasn't offered at that time. It was too much work to drive, especially to park.

Electric windows have been around a long time. Most of the early electric windows worked on hydraulic fluid running though tubes to each window mechanism. Imagine how much trouble this system was to keep in successful operation. The electric door lock was an intriguing feature that worked about fifty percent of the time in older cars. Mercedes, in typically Teutonic fashion, had doorlocks that worked by air pumped to each mechanism to open and close the lock. Knowing Mercedes, they probably worked fairly well, but were overly complex. Most of you have seen those silly squares of numbers under the door handles of some Ford products. They are useless, because most owners used keys, rather than punching in the correct code, which took longer. However, to complement current door-opening technology, car owners can now magically open their doors from 20 feet away. That's logical progress.

Cars today are highly complex. Occasionally, readers ask what would be considered a classic car of the future. Let's say this. If the vehicle is highly desirable today, it will be a mouthwatering classic in 50 years. One caveat. How on Earth will the average mechanic properly restore a car that is being built today?

Bob Gelber, an automotive journalist living in the Hamptons, appears regularly on television as an automotive expert. You can email him at bobgelber@aol.com

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