The Sheltered Islander By Sally Flynn

Black or Light?

I was never much of a coffee drinker growing up. I was a tea drinker until I had my first child. Getting up to feed her two or three times a night and still work full time for an unreasonable boss who demanded conscious employees drove me to drinking coffee. As time went on, like most, I needed that morning kick to get started.

You wouldn't think that coffee could become an issue of contention in a marriage. But those who have lived long enough know that ANYTHING can become an "issue" in a marriage. I know a couple who fought over which end of the tub you should step into when the shower is running. He stepped into the showerhead side and she would step into the other end and walk into the shower spray, which drove him crazy. Why? No reason. That was just one of his peccadilloes. For me, it's reading over my shoulder. I can't explain or justify it, but nothing will incite me to homicidal thinking faster than someone reading over my shoulder. My ex thought that was unreasonable, so he read over my shoulder whenever he could to help "break" me from my issue with it. I made a case to respect each other's idiosyncratic behaviors, but what a fool I am. Men don't have any idiosyncratic behaviors. Everything they do is logical for those with eyes to see.

I like any kind of fresh coffee, light and sweet. I don't care about the brand or how it was prepared. I just need it to be in a cup with sweetener and creamer.

My ex was a coffee connoisseur. He used the Chemex coffee system. We purchased whole fresh beans, which were kept in the freezer. When you wanted coffee, you put a kettle of water on to boil, then you got the beans from the freezer, grind them in the tiny grinder, stop twice to lift the lid and stir the beans so they are a perfectly even grind. Once the water reaches boiling, you take it off the burner and let it cool for exactly two minutes so that it is at the optimal brewing temperature. While the water is cooling, fold the filter correctly and put it in the top of the Chemex all glass "V" shaped pot. Put in the coffee and a small amount of water, just enough to wet the grinds. Now pour in the hot water s-l-o-w-l-y to facilitate a slow drip. Do all this while you have a toddler wrapped around one leg and you're holding a baby in one arm. If I had some caffeine in my system, I could make an argument for a normal coffeepot and even ignore his threats to throw out any Mr. Coffee I brought home. He was a purist - it was perfect coffee or no coffee.

My ex drank his coffee black, because he said that's the only way coffee should be drunk. My mother drinks hers with a half-teaspoon of milk and a quarter packet of any artificial sweetener. When either of them fixed me a coffee, it was as nearly black as it could be without actually being black. Just a teaspoon of milk and half packet of sweetener, because I couldn't possibly want it any lighter or sweeter, could I? Somehow that would defy all the laws of coffee drinking. The coffee wouldn't taste like burnt acid with all that creamer and sweetener in it, it might taste very nice with some outside help from Coffeemate, but, well, we can't have that. The people who take coffee black or close to it, will just never understand those of us who prefer it light and sweet I guess.

Recently, a friend offered to get me a coffee to go from a deli. "How do you like it?" she asked.

"Light and sweet. Put in two packets of sweetener and 25% of whatever they have for creamer. It should look like chocolate milk when you're through with it," I responded. I thought my instructions were fairly clear.

She brought me my coffee and I thanked her. Popping off the plastic top, I saw nearly black coffee.

"Is it too dark?" she asked. "I take mine black. I didn't think you'd want all that creamer in there."

"No. This is fine," I said, once more resigned to my fate that only another Lite & Sweet person knows what light and sweet means.

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