Dan's Papers - February 22, 2008 - Twentysomething...By David Lion Rattiner

Finding out that something of yours has been stolen creates a pretty helpless feeling. I recently found out that my six-horsepower outboard motor from 1985 was stolen right off the back of my 1978 O'Day sailboat. I'm pretty upset about it. Not so much that the actual motor was stolen, though (it was the biggest hunk of garbage you have ever seen. I'd have to pray and do a dance before the motor Gods in order for it to start up), but that this kind of thing actually happens. Who the heck steals from people?

In my life I've met a lot of people and not one of them has struck me as somebody who would want to steal a boat motor from the '80s. Yet there I was, talking to the owner of the marina at Three Mile Harbor, who explained to me that I really should have kept a lock on the motor or housed it somewhere else during the wintertime. "This kind of thing happens if you're not careful," he said.

In a way, I'm sort of happy that my boat motor was stolen. It really was a terrible motor. I had to replace the water pump and replace the spool that holds that starter pulley thingy mc-bob, and every summer since I bought it, there have been situations when I simply gave up on trying to start it and walked away for the day so that the muscles in my arm could recover from yanking on the starter so many times.

However, I'm also really sad. This engine and I have been through a lot together. There was the time my rudder snapped due to really high winds, sending the boat wildly out of control. With the rain just beginning to come down and waves getting pretty rough off Gardiner's Island, I reached down and in one yank my engine started up and brought us back to safety. Also, with all of the problems it had, I was able to learn a fair amount about engines, like where the mc-bobby thing is to keep the idle at higher RPMs, or where the air intake is so I could blast ether into it when it really wouldn't start.

What am I gonna do? Call the police? Start an investigation? I guess I will. But what I really hope is that I see my engine around and am able to actually confront the guy who stole it. That would just be the ultimate. It would almost be worth him stealing it if I could find out who he was (thank you Pulp Fiction).

I believe in the goodness of people, always have and always will. There is no other way to live. I believe that most people would never think to steal much of anything because they know it is morally wrong, and that is what stops them from stealing, not because it is against the law. I do know that there are bad people out there that ruin it for all of us, but I believe that eventually you get to find those people and give them what is coming to them. I also think those people lead boring and lame lives. So I guess in a way I feel bad for them. That's the best way to look at it.

Now, there is something that I have to get off of my chest. Last weekend was really busy in East Hampton Village because of the President's Day weekend and it was very difficult to find a parking spot. Along Main Street, I spotted an open space with my eagle-like eyes. I also saw a BMW driving slowly along the right side of the road, obviously also in search of a spot.

I don't know what came over me, but I sped up, cut in front of the BMW and parallel parked my car with a speed I didn't even know was possible. I did this all right in front of the BMW, which at this point had pulled up right next to me to try and argue. I could feel the driver's look saying, "Hey you jerk, I saw that spot first and you just cut right in front of me and took it. Give it back!"

I was using my peripheral vision to keep an eye on the guy who was giving me the look of death. Then I turned the engine off, got out and walked away. The guy was now holding up traffic and had to move on as well.

I've been going over the scenario over and over in my mind and I think that the reality is that 1) this guy drives a sweet BMW, so I shouldn't feel bad for him in any way shape or form about anything. Who is the real winner here? The guy with the Honda Civic or the guy with the BMW? And 2) this guy really should have reacted faster when he saw the open parking spot. It's a war out there. If you don't capture those opportunities then it is your own fault.

On the other hand, I still feel like I did something wrong. Maybe it had something to do with his ten-year-old son giving me the finger as they drove off.