HOW I FATHERED ANNA NICOLE SMITH’S BABY

By Dan Rattiner

So, I have been thinking about making public the fact that I fathered Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. I remember it well. I was in the Bahamas at the time, and she and I met for a drink at the Happy Clam Calypso Bar that afternoon, and then tootled off to my hotel room for a lovely hour and a half. She couldn’t stay any longer, she said, because she had to be cutting the ribbon at the grand opening of a new shopping mall in Desire at 6:30 and she had to get home and get ready. I can make my DNA sample available.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t understand why lots of people haven’t stepped forward to announce that it was maybe they that fathered this child. I mean no offense to the memory of the dearly departed, or her morals and ethics, but it seems to me, here’s a quick way to get famous.

Anna Nicole Smith’s every move, even in death, is being plotted day to day in every magazine, newspaper, TV show, blog and website. Everything that has to do with her is in the news. Anna’s chauffeur has this to say. Her will has been found. Her constant companion, Howard K. Stern, is flying to the Bahamas. Larry Birkhead, Smith’s former boyfriend, has stepped forward to say that in addition to Mr. Stern, HE is claiming to have fathered her little baby. Prince Frederic Von Anhalt, the husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor, says no, it is he who fathered her baby. The media descends upon all of these people. There’s pictures in the tabloids of Anna Nicole, and Larry and the Prince.

Where are all the public relations people on this? Don’t tell me that some club singer has gone to his PR agent to suggest he claim to be the father and was told that we have to do the right thing here, that we can’t announce that you think you fathered the baby because it’s not true and you know it and it wouldn’t be right. NOBODY thinks like this.

So yes, I think I fathered Anna Nicole’s baby. The baby was born when? Yes? That would be about right. Nine months before, give or take a day or two, I was in the Bahamas. I was in Nassau, attending a conference for the United Nations there in oh, well that’s not important now, is it?

Let me give you the name of my public relations firm.