I hate fauxhawks. There it is, out in the open. No sugar-coating. The fauxhawk is a train wreck that should have stayed in Great Britain and Ireland where its ridiculousness was somehow masked by the all charming accents. But they are here lurking among us and have been for over half a decade. I thought the style would phase itself out - like other silly trends such as snap bracelets and Timberland boots. Instead their hold on the mainstream coif is as firm as the ironically-named Bed Head hair gel that is used to keep it up.

There is nothing creative about fauxhawks. Having one is like saying, “Hi, I do not have the guts to actually go all out and get a real Mohawk. My parents would never accept it and my boss on the foreign exchange floor would fire me. In other words, I try to be rock-star hipster on weekends but don’t actually have the cojones to make it real. P.S., I don’t even know what punk is or was. I don’t have any kind of angst and the last thing I want to do is rage against the establishment. Where would I get my paycheck from?”

To mock the fauxhawk and not offer a solution would be absurd. It’s like a doctor diagnosing a patient with strep throat and then not writing a prescription for Zithromax. Though curing a fauxhawk is a little trickier than “Take two of these and call me in the morning,” it is far from impossible.

First thing you must do is take a shower. Wash all the gunk out of your head and then take a long look in the mirror. Ask yourself a few important questions: Who am I? Do I care what others think? How do I want to be perceived? How much money can I risk on a haircut? Besides a professional, do I trust anyone (including myself) with a pair of scissors? Write down the answers, they may come in handy with sorting out the rest of your life as well.

Who are you? A sheep? A risk-taker? Just a person who needs something that makes you look good? If you’re a sheep, stick with the fauxhawk. Your life is programmed by the influences of others anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. A risk-taker? Pick up a pair of scissors and cut your own hair. I do it. It’s not that difficult, just take it slowly and shape it however you like. The process sometimes takes a day or two to get it just right, a little snip here, a little snip there, but in the end, you should be all right, barring you don’t take too much off at once.

If you’re not willing to do the work yourself, ask around for a place that cuts hair well. Do enough research before by quizzing friends, family, and men and women in the office about a salon or barber. When you settle on a reputable establishment, walk in (make an appointment if you need to) and say, “I want something different. I usually style it in a fauxhawk and I just realized that I look like everyone else. Scanning the bar the other night, I saw 100 guys that looked just like me. I want something different.” Inform them of scars, cowlicks, odd parts or anything they might need to be aware of before they get to work. Also explain how much time you are willing to put into styling your hair. Some guys don’t mind blow-drying for fifteen minutes at a pop while others will not spend more than 5 minutes getting the ’do done. Don’t be afraid to give the person wielding the scissors parameters. They are there to work with you for the best result. Explain to them that you don’t like sheen or shine or the dry look or whatever your pet peeves may be. Ask how to achieve certain styles, textures, etc. But also ask their opinions and be open to suggestions. An accomplished stylist or barber will know how to take all the information you have given them and create a look that goes well with your face.

When they are finished, tip accordingly (15%-18% and $3-$5 for the shampoo person – but don’t tip the owner). If it doesn’t work out perfectly the first time, assess what you do not like and the next time, try something or somewhere new. Remember not to get discouraged. After all, it’s only hair.

The Y Factor