Twentysomething…

The $25 Million Dollar Reward

By David Lion Rattiner

If you haven’t heard about Sir Richard Branson’s $25 million offer, listen up. Branson, who is the owner of Virgin Group, one of the largest companies in the world, is offering $25 million to anyone that comes up with a way to stop global warming.

Well, to you Hamptons people, that may be just a small fraction of your wealth. But to me, that is a butt-load of money. So I got to thinking and here is what I have come up with. Some are serious, some not so much, but all will work.

Plant Day: The United States Government should exchange Earth Day with Plant Day. Plant Day will be a day where all citizens will voluntarily plant trees all over the place. Trees cut C02 emissions because they suck it in and breath out oxygen. Planting some trees one day a year on a national level will do us all some good. Somebody should seriously organize this.

The Sharper Image Oxygenonic Breeze: The people at Sharper Image should make an air purifier that cleans the air and also sucks out the C02 in the air and makes oxygen and then sell it for $999.

The Plant Law: All office buildings and homes should be required by law to have one medium sized plant for every ten square feet of real estate. Offices will smell like flowers because there will be a lot of flowers in them. It will be wonderful.

Hold Your Breath Day: Everybody will be required to hold their breath for a total of five minutes on the planet one day a year to reduce C02 emissions.

Car Breathers: An international law should be passed that all new vehicles produced on the planet will be required to have a C02 breather on the front of the vehicle. This is a device that acts just like a plant. It breathes in C02, and through an engineered photosynthesis, produces oxygen.

House Breather: Somebody could make a zillion dollars by selling small devices that reduce C02 emissions for $20 each and can be placed outside of the home.

Run Out Of Oil: We should run out of oil and coal and be forced to do other stuff.

Airplane Drops: Have airplanes drop seeds all along the Amazon and then pray.

Paper Work: Force people to have to fill out ridiculous amounts of paper work, mail-in rebates, get background checks and wait in long government organized lines in order to legally purchase an SUV or any car that gets under 25 miles a gallon.

Tree Houses: Make a law that requires all new construction to be super sweet and tricked out tree houses.

Rich Person: Get a really rich person to start a company that uses solar, wind and tide energy to sell electricity and actually market it and make it accessible to the public. Enough of this tax rebate, strange granola eater salesmen, I have no idea how to purchase earth friendly electricity bologna.

Kill Almost Everyone: Start over and kill everyone on the planet except for ten families of four.

Robot Children Then Sterilize: Create realistic robot children and replace the regular children. Make sure that they run on solar power and also have C02 breathers installed. Then sterilize everyone born after 2008.

Freezers: Use ice-skate rink technology and freeze back the Arctic.

Change: Change the way we produce energy so that we produce less C02 and make more oxygen.

Wait: Wait 50 years until the point of no return, watch species die off and millions of people die, then make changes to the way we produce energy.