The Sheltered Islander #433

Goin’ Straight

By Sally Flynn

I am delighted to announce that I have been confirmed by the Shelter Island School Board for the position of Adult Education Coordinator. I am actively soliciting ideas for interesting classes. Contact me if you have a suggestion at sallyflynn@optonline.net.

The day after I was confirmed, I got a call from an astute Board member who asked me if I had really ever committed a felony, because I checked the YES box on my application. I explained it was a mistake. I was talking with two or three people in the office while I filled out the form and wasn’t paying attention when I should have been.

Since then, my guilty conscious has gotten the best of me. I do have a past and I suppose it had to catch up with me sometime...

I got a parking ticket in 1977. There, it’s out. The year doesn’t matter where crime is concerned. I’m tired of trying to hide it. I parked at least a foot over the blue line of a handicapped parking space. I knew at the time what I had done. I knew I was over the line, but I didn’t care. I was young, selfish, wild and reckless...I lived over the line...

I know that somewhere in Honolulu today, there’s a handicapped person who was deprived of a parking space that day at the Ala Moana Shopping Center and it probably changed their life. I’ve had to live with that all these years. If only I knew whom I had deprived, I could find them and apologize. It’s the years of not knowing that has made me the nut case I am today.

I didn’t have an excuse for my actions then and I haven’t thought up anything good since. The truth is, a man was to blame. Isn’t that always the way it is? Love makes us do things we’d never ordinarily do. Makes us cross the line, like it did to me that day.

His name was Don Tribble. Tall, dark and handsome. We had just started dating and I was still trying to be as enticing as possible. I don’t know why women work so hard to entice a man after we’ve already got him — it’s like continuing to reel in a fish after you already got him in the boat.

Anyway, I was determined to get this particular sweater at Liberty House, (Hawaii’s version of Macy’s). It was a fantastic red sweater and I knew I could fill it out like an FBI job application, all ten pages and in duplicate... I’d seen the sweater and tried it on a few days earlier, but opted to buy something else instead that was beige and tasteful. It was something a woman would wear to be identified as a good woman, but I knew what Don needed now was the worst kind ...and I was determined to be every woman he needed.

When I got back to the car, my ticket was on the windshield. I had to appear in court and explain myself or pay the $16 fine. Well, I’ve never gone down without a fight....okay, that’s not true. I mean I decided to fight for my rights, even if I was wrong.

I went to court to challenge the ticket. I spoke low and slow with a voice full of repentance. I was exonerated, even though I didn’t deserve it. I felt guilty when the judge dismissed the charges.

I don’t know if wearing that red sweater and zebra stripe pants had anything to do with the judge’s decision, but I did get a date with the officer who gave me the ticket (of course by then, I had broken up with Don, so I was on the hunt). Mae West said it best. “When women go wrong, men go right after them...”

After that event, I learned my lesson. I abandoned the exciting life of crime and decided to turn over a new leaf. I have lived crime free ever since.