Stuck On Beach

Last week, a BMW driver in Montauk got stuck on the beach in the middle of the night. An officer noticed the driver and offered to help, but then he noticed that the man looked drunk. After a sobriety test, the officer determined that the man was intoxicated and helped the man off the beach and off to jail.

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Loose Change

A Hampton Bays man working for a pay phone company was accused of stealing $9,000 worth of coins from various payphones over the course of 3 months. When the man was arrested, he was allowed use payphone at the jail to make one phone call. When he made the call, he spent about three days on the telephone.


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Bingo

Police arrested two men after they decided to steal a car and take it on a joyride while the owner of the vehicle was playing Bingo. Police at the scene did not release any name-o’s.


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Tuna Fish?

A man was arrested in Southampton after he was caught stealing a can of tuna fish from a grocery store. He was brought up on charges of petit larceny and returned the can of tuna. Ironically, the prison lunch for that day was tuna fish sandwiches.


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Another Food Robbery

In Hampton Bays, two men were arrested after police learned that they had stolen steaks and seafood from a grocery store in Hampton Bays. Police caught the men before they could overcook anything.

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No New News

The interesting news on Shelter Island last week was that there was no news. Not a single arrest or ticket was issued last week. In fact, the only thing that officers responded to was a minor accident involving a deer. I don’t know whether to feel happy because all is well there or to worry that the police are all going to get rusty.

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Pot Stop

A man on the North Fork was arrested after police pulled him over for failing to stop at a stop sign. The man pulled over in a slow manner and when the police officer went to talk to the man, he noticed what appeared to be cigarette butts being thrown out the window. When the officer went over to investigate the cigarettes, he determined that they were marijuana cigarettes. The officer then found the man spraying the inside of his vehicle with air freshener. Needless to say, he was arrested for possession.

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Bread Knife

A deli clerk in East Hampton threatened his manager with a butter knife last week after deli politics involving back talking sent him into an angry butter knife-wielding rage. Police at the scene arrested the man and were thankful that nobody had said anything about the butcher behind his back.

– Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner