Dan's Papers - January 16, 2009 -

A Westhampton "businessman" (why are we calling him this again?) was sentenced to 15 years in prison after being convicted of fraud and grand larceny. The man stole $3.2 million from Long Island businesses by funneling the money out of his company, Quality Payroll Systems. The man was also sentenced to pay $2.2 million in restitution to his victims. Looks like the CEO of Quality Payroll Systems is going to enjoy some quality time in jail.

A man in Southampton was arrested for DWI after he was spotted nearly backing into another car and then driving off at the McDonalds restaurant. The drunk and hungry man had not finished his burger when the incident took place.

A man in East Hampton broke his mother's arm after a dispute arose, according to the mother, that he was upset over a girlfriend. Ummm. Okay...

A man who was pulled over by police in Southampton was scared as hell when he explained to the officer that he didn't have a license/registration/insurance but claimed, "I drive really well officer!" He was arrested, the car was impounded and there was no way for him to avoid being grounded.

A 15-year-old boy was arrested by police in East Quogue after he organized a house party that included alcohol at a residence where he was not permitted to occupy by the owner. Police are also most likely going to arrest a 17-year-old girl for the same reason. Neither the boy nor the girl plan on throwing any more parties.

A woman in Southampton was arrested after she left harassing phone calls on a victim's voice mail. The complainant also told police that the woman punched her in the face over a separate dispute. So we call the police after getting a mean voicemail, but don't call the police after getting punched in the face? Riiiggghht.

A man in East Hampton was arrested after police found him to be in possession of marijuana. Police sensed the smell coming from out of the car when the man was pulled over, and inquired about it. The man then produced a significant amount of marijuana from his shoe, and also gave police a hidden yellow smoking device and a hidden green smoking device. He then gave officers, without hesitation, three bags of marijuana.

A woman was arrested in Hampton Bays after a routine traffic stop found her to be in possession of marijuana, hydrocodone, which she did not have a prescription for. Just say no folks, just say no.