Dan's Papers - January 18, 2008 - The Sheltered Islander By Sally Flynn

Associated Press, Pennsylvania, Man Apologizes for Vulgar Check Sun. Jan 13, 2008 - A man who wrote a vulgar message on the memo line of a check he used to pay a $5 parking ticket has apologized in writing, leading police to drop a disorderly conduct charge against him. The lawyer for David Binner, 45, said his client would have prevailed if he went through a trial. "The F word isn't what it used to be," attorney Keith Williams said. "It doesn't have a sexual connotation anymore and so can't be considered obscene."

I completely relate to this man. I have written obscene messages on the memo lines of checks myself. I don't worry because I notice that the checks get cashed just the same. No one has ever sent a check back to me with a request to remove my note on the memo line since the First Amendment right arguably protects it as long as whatever I write on the memo line doesn't impede the recipients' ability to negotiate the check.

I had a lovely woman in my shop this past summer who was being outrageously held up by some renters in her city apartment. They hired an attorney and went after their security deposit, which did not begin to cover the damage done to the apartment. Rather than face a costly battle, my friend bit the bullet and wrote a big check returning their security deposit. She has a good heart and anguished over whether or not to write "extortion" on the memo line. I encouraged her to write something on the memo line, but it wasn't "extortion." I was thinking more along the lines of "I wish you a long and painful death" or "May you live long enough to see your children die." Neither thought is obscene, but both convey one's displeasure.

I received a check one time from a friend of mine with a dangerous sense of humor. He wrote me a check and put "pipe bomb instructions" as the memo. I laughed and deposited it, completely forgetting the limited humor capacity of people who work in banks. I had to come into the bank and explain the check. It was the first time I ever got to speak to a bank manager.

"You think this is funny?" he asked, without any expression.

"Yeah, it is funny since it was actually for computer tutoring. He asked me - as a joke - if he could look up building a pipe bomb on the Internet."

"Well, we don't think it's funny. We'll let you deposit the check this time, but make sure this doesn't happen again."

He wore a wedding ring, but looked like one of those men who pay women to chain him up and whip him. I confess I've always wanted to meet and date that kind of man. It's so much easier to get the wallet of a man who is chained up versus the ones who are loose and can hide their money.

Then there was the time I ran into a crazy eBay customer. She bought a pair of earrings from me. She then crushed them with a hammer and returned them to me because she insisted I had installed government listening devices in them. I tried to explain to her how ludicrous that accusation was. Listening devices are too big for earrings, I only put them in pins. Anyway, In order to prevent a negative feedback report from her, I had to send her a refund check. I probably shouldn't have written, "FBI Case on (her last name)" on the memo line. Strangely, she never cashed the check. I guess it's the thought - or memo - that counts.