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| Issue #40, January 11, 2008 |
Police Blotter
Countless
Police all across the Hamptons and North Fork were busy on New Year's Eve arresting one drunk driver after another. I'm sorry but if you got drunk on New Year's Eve and thought driving home was a good idea then you are just a moron.
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Illegal Call
A man in Amagansett was charged with criminal contempt after he called his daughter at her mother's home. A court order was subsequently put into effect that said he could not talk to his daughter.
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Computers
A man in East Hampton reported to police that somebody stole his briefcase containing two computers and a mouse. According to the man, the mouse in his briefcase is what operates most of the functions on his computer. Police have taken the man into custody for psychiatric evaluation.
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B and E
A woman in Montauk reported that somebody broke into her home by walking through her gate and entering the house. She reportedly found a sink full of dirty dishes and a key missing from the home. There is speculation that the break-in had to do with the unbelievably delicious pies and homemade ice cream that the woman keeps inside her refrigerator.
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This Is Your Brain
A man in Southampton was arrested after having drug paraphernalia, marijuana, cocaine, a scale, packaging material and a handbook called How to Deal Drugs in his posession. Police arrested the man, who begged the officer to let him keep his handbook so he could finish the chapter called, "What to do When You Get Arrested."
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Potato Gun
A man on the North Fork was caught firing a potato gun outside of his home. According to report, the potato gun was being aimed at various objects around the house, one of which included a police officer.
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Frozen Surfer
A surfer in Southampton became so cold while surfing the frigid winter waters that he ran onto a private property and jumped into a hot tub to get warm, and then left the premises. The morally conscious dude left a note on the doorstep of the home. No charges have been pressed.
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$100
A woman in Southampton stole $20 worth of items from a gas station after she tried to pay for the items with a $100 bill but couldn't because the clerk did not have the change to give.
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