Police Blotter

by David Lion Rattiner

Thief in the Night

A man walked into a house in Hampton Bays and stole an envelope containing an undisclosed amount of cash. The suspect is believed to be an employee of the homeowner.

All I Need Is One Mic

A man at a karaoke bar in Sag Harbor began singing to a song and then became irate after he received boos from the crowd. The man began to curse over the microphone, which was turned off. Reports from the crowd indicate that not only did the man have a bad voice, but he also had a very dirty mouth.

No Plate, Too Much to Drink

A man driving with no license plate light was pulled over by police in Southampton. When police approached the car, they could see the man was obviously intoxicated. He was arrested for DWI. He has not fixed the plate light yet.

Ticket Be Gone!

Here's a story for those who hate getting unjustified parking tickets. A man in Bridgehampton drove into New York City for a family visit with his wife and daughter. At the hotel, he was told by the bellhop to put on his lights outside of the hotel while he unloaded his luggage. When he did, his car was ticketed and towed within seconds. He had to go down to the impound lot to get his car, which was a nightmarish ordeal. His total charges were nearly $300, but he pleaded not guilty to the ticket and gave a written explanation of the entire incident. He waited two weeks and then the ticket was dismissed and justice was served. He was one very happy guy.

Doggy Dogg

A man was walking his dog in Montauk when it was nearly struck by a speeding vehicle. The man and the driver got into a loud argument, and police nearly had to get involved until the driver decided to drive off. The man, still upset, wants to remind people to slow down when pedestrians are walking along the side of the road.

Victory

A young man at bar in Hampton Bays became extremely intoxicated after winning a football bet. His bragging upset another man at the bar, and the two began to wrestle. The fight was broken up and the two men left before police became involved.

Flat Screen Television

A flat screen television was stolen in Southampton last week, during football season. A tragedy, just an absolute tragedy.

Speed Racer

A man was caught speeding in East Hampton in a 25 miles per hour zone. The man was clocked at 55 miles per hour. When he was pulled over, he tried to explain that he was a former Nascar driver. This didn't help him very much. Moral of the story, don't tell police you are a Nascar driver if pulled over for speeding.

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