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| Issue #37, December 7, 2007 |
Police Blotter
Two Break Inns
A woman in Noyac reported to police that more than one person had broken into her home while she was away. Even for criminals, sloppy seconds is never a good thing in my book.
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Lot's Of Change
A guy in East Hampton reported to police that somebody stole $10,000 worth of change from his house. The man had the change inside a six gallon jug, similar to the ones that you see at water coolers. The guy is incredibly upset, not just because he lost $10,000 but his dream of being able to swim in coins the way Scrooge McDuck used to do in his favorite television show "Duck Tails."
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iPhone
A man's iPhone was reported stolen in East Hampton. He now is free of the technological grip Steve Jobs has had on him for the past six months.
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Mercedes
A Southampton man got into a fender bender inside of his brand new Mercedes Benz convertible. The car received body damage that will take a few weeks to repair. He is now driving his mom's station wagon to get around. He has yet to get a date for the weekend.
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Mattress?
A woman in East Hampton called police to report that she received a prank phone call from a man that was supposedly doing a mattress survey. Oh man, that is such a good prank call, I better write that one down.
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Boat
A man in Hampton Bays reported to police that his boat was stolen. He later looked like pretty much an idiot when he later realized that his marina took his boat out of the water to winterize it.
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The Tuxedo
A man reported to police that somebody stole his custom made tuxedo from his car that was parked in Southampton. Police are looking for a James Bond-ish type of guy.
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Refrigerator
A woman reported that her refrigerator had been stolen from her home and that it would be very expensive to replace as it was a high end, luxury refrigerator. The day next day, she received a call from her refrigerator who told her that he was actually running and that he better go catch him.
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Surfers
A woman in Hampton Bays reported that men were surfing last week and she was concerned that they were going to freeze to death. "That's what they do out here in the winter," the operator said.
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Food Fight
A food fight broke out in West Hampton between a customer and a waiter after there was discrepancy over the soup that was served. The battle between the two ended when the chef came out of the kitchen and broke it up. The customer was then kicked out by the chef, who tried the soup that was served and said, "There is nothing wrong with my soup! Get the hell out of my restaurant!"
- Compiled and Written by David Lion Rattiner
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