Dan's Papers -November 28, 2008

Elaine was married and had two sons, now grown, with her husband. But after watching a few episodes of "The L Word," Showtime's risqué show all/tell all series about a particular group of lesbians in Los Angeles, Elaine finally summoned the courage to "come out."

A powerful statement about the influence of television? An "aha!" for those who say a person can "turn" gay? A great anecdote for the next volume of "Whacky Coming Out Stories?" Maybe. But Elaine wasn't a teen confused about her sexuality, easily swayed by the boob tube, or honing her stand up comedy. When Elaine had this cathartic experience, coming to terms with her sexuality, she was 79 years old.

"I was married for 51 years. I have two children - two boys. I knew that I liked women ... In those days you didn't, you did not come out. Over the years I wish I'd been a lot stronger."

This is part of Elaine's story, one of five revealed in Out Late, a documentary written, directed and produced by Sag Harbor filmmakers Beatrice Alda and Jennifer Brooke. The film, which will have a benefit screening Dec. 6 at the Bay Street Theatre, debuted at the Maryland Film Festival last May and won Best Documentary at the Long Island International Film Expo in July. An enthusiastic reception by a wide audience helped Alda and Brooke procure a distribution deal for a theatrical release, TV, and DVD in the U.S. and Canada. Out Late has also played well abroad, recently, at the Madrid Film Festival.

Brooke and Alda became interested in the film's topic after a conversation with a friend, who wondered if his 80-year old mother was gay.

"I saw the topic as a human-interest story," said Alda, writer/actor/producer and the daughter of Alan Alda. "It addresses the question, 'If you hadn't done the one thing to define yourself, what would your life be like?'"

"We thought it was fascinating that people would wait that long to become their true selves," said Brooke, a former creative executive in the New York advertising world.

"That's where we started," offered Alda, "with the question of what would keep you from becoming what it is that defines you."

Brooke and Alda, founders of the Sag Harbor-based production company Forever Films, canvassed for people who had come out later in life. The documentary also presents Ken, a retired systems analyst who had four children during his 47-year marriage and came out when his wife died. He was 72.

Donald lived in back woods of Nebraska and joined the military. "The first 60 years of my life I lived as a man," he says. "I was beaten by drunks in the Navy who thought I was too prissy." At the age of 60, Donald became LeAnna, deciding to live the rest of his life in a body that made more sense to him: female.

Walter came out at 60 to his fellow congregants during a church service in his hometown of Toronto. Kansas residents Cathy, 60, and Michelle, 57, while a committed couple for 24 years, were late to the gate in terms of coming out to others: family, colleagues and neighbors.

An obvious question is, "What took you so long?" Brooke and Alda offered answers, based on research and experience. "Fear, shame, a need to hide, physical safety," said Alda.

A spokesman in the film makes a point that, for older generations, the words gay and lesbian were unspoken largely because of fears - whether real or ungrounded. Today, while anyone risks rejection by coming out, the stakes may be even higher for older people who no longer have careers, may not be self-sustaining, and perhaps rely on children and grandchildren for support of every kind. So for those who wonder, what did they have to lose? Brooke answered, "You have to lose what you have left."

Two recurring themes arise in the film: the influence of religion on sexual repression, and parental acceptance, particularly by the mother. Considering some of the "children" in the film are grandparents themselves, it was profound that the fear of losing a mother's love begot a self-imposed silence. "Mother is the icon of acceptance at any age," said Alda, herself a mother of four. "Many people we spoke with didn't tell their mothers when they came out, even after they agreed to do the film."

The topic of religion first arose with Walter, who feared his fellow congregants would disown him. Happily, his fears were unwarranted. But the most poignant example of that conflict arose in Cathy and Michelle's story. Their straight neighbors, good friends as well as godparents to their children, still opposed and in fact voted against gay marriage. Their reason was that, despite the friendship, they are conservative Christians who see marriage as a sacred sacrament rather than a legal preceding that grants financial advantages and legal protections to some Americans. Yet, despite a long history of friendship, the neighbors chose abstract beliefs over an emotional, flesh and blood relationship.

"How could you choose dogma over the person right next to you?" asked Brooke. "I would hope that, over time, you would choose the person next to you.

"Look, I'm the ultimate Anne Frank," she continued. "Even when the Nazis are coming up the stairs I believe all people are basically good. I hope that eventually, given time, people will be won over by the personal experience."

The personal experience is one of the main reasons Brooke and Alda believe the film is important for anyone living a life of quiet desperation for any reason. They feel that it's profound, at any age, to choose to be visible.

"You need to see yourself reflected in the environment," said Brooke. "That's what happened with Elaine. She didn't see enough of that until, at 79, she watched 'The L Word.'"

In addition to encouraging visibility, Alda hopes the film motivates honest self-assessment. "We hope Out Late makes people look at their own lives, and re-look at their assumptions about others and stop projecting the reactions."

Brooke and Alda aren't only committed to their subjects, they share similarities with them. While they are "out" (they married in Canada almost three years ago) they were both previously married to men. Their blended family, which includes their collective five children, lives in Sag Harbor. Walking the walk of what they talk about in the film, they are excited about making their work visible in their own local community.

"We're very happy to bring it home," said Brooke. "We love this community, our home, our school. We love it here."

"Our dental hygienist wants to see the film," said Alda. "We're part of a community - of dentists, teachers, business owners - and we're excited to share our work them."

Out Late benefit screening: Sat., Dec. 6, 8-11 p.m. Bay Street Theatre, Sag Harbor. Reception and Q&A, moderated by Bonnie Grice, follows. Tkts: $45.00, at Bay Street 725-9500. Proceeds benefit SAGE-LI and LIGALY. www.outlate.net.