Police Blotter

I'll Just Cash This
An employee of a shipping company in East Hampton signed and forged a name to cash himself $25,000. Police figured out the theft by tracing the check back to the bank. When they arrested him, everybody agreed, the man was an idiot.

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What?
Nobody is too sure what a woman in Southampton was thinking when she called police to claim that her car was stolen. Police that investigated the incident found the car exactly where she parked it, inside of her garage.

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Guilty
A woman in Montauk pleaded guilty to stealing over $500,000 between the periods of 1999 and 2006 from the Montauk Fire Department. Among the things she used the money was for putting her son through school. Too bad it wasn't law school.

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Fire Starter
A man in Montauk decided to light several magazines, his surfboard case and newspaper outside of his home on his deck. Police received a call and put out the fire, later learning that the man was renting the home. He was arrested on arson charges. The man, ironically, has requested a subscription to a surfing magazine while in prison.

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Drinking and Stealing
Who says alcohol doesn't create liquid courage? A man decided that stealing cars was wrong, that is until he started drinking on the North Fork. After a few sips, the man went out into the parking lot, stole a car and was arrested by police for drinking and driving. Not to mention the theft of the car. Reportedly, the man is now drinking plenty of toilet bowl moonshine up at Suffolk.

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Southampton
A woman was caught stealing underwear from a Southampton store by switching the underwear she was wearing in the dressing room with layers and layers of new underwear. The store owner noticed something was suspicious when she realized that she didn't sell rainbow colored thongs. The police were called.

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Dressing Like The Cops
A man in East Hampton decided to play a joke by dressing up as a police officer and arresting his friends. When the real police showed up however, he was arrested for impersonating a police officer. "Well that didn't really work out as planned," said the jokester.

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Stolen Handcart
A handcart valued at $80 was stolen from an East Hampton Village business. Police filed a report. Come on fellas, just admit it, you lost the handcart. It's somewhere in the store or somebody accidentally took it. Seriously, who the hell wants your handcart?

- Compiled and Written by David Lion Rattiner

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