Dan's Papers - November 23, 2007 - Twentysomething... with David Lion Rattiner

Two years ago, my buddy Pentagon John and I got the idea that we should take a trip to Brazil for Carnival. At first it was just a thought, since we had just blown a big chunk of money on a trip to Italy and our bank accounts were still recovering.

Around the same time, my good friend Matt McElreth, who now lives with his fiancé in Worcester, Massachusetts and works for a luxury refrigerator company, called to invite me to his wedding. Matt and I were roommates in college at Northeastern and he and his fiancé met while we were roommates. Judging by all the noise they made in the bottom bunk while we roomed together, I was not surprised to hear that he proposed to her. "It's February 2, 2008. I know that's a while from now, but I'm just telling you in advance."

At the time of the conversation, I thought Matt was bananas for planning that far ahead, but was also impressed by his organization skills, even envious of it. I logged it in my internal agenda that Matt's wedding was some time in February.

One year later, Pentagon John called me up to explain that he was ready for Brazil. Carnival was calling us and he wanted to know if I was in, which, of course, I was. "Just be sure that you make the plans and tell me where to send a check." I said this in a tone to encourage him to organize the trip. After all, I sure as hell didn't want to plan the trip. I got stuff to do.

"Do you have any conflicts with leaving January 28 and staying there all the way through Carnival?"

I checked my internal agenda and thought for a moment. Matt's wedding was sometime in February, but not January so of course that was settled. There were no conflicts. A week later I got an e-mail with an itinerary of a trip to Brazil with my name on it along with an entourage of various friends that are also going. "WE ARE GOING TO BRAZIL BABY!" read the top of the message. I sent the check.

Last week I got a call from Matt telling me that he wanted me to get fitted for a tuxedo for the wedding. I told him that instead of getting measured here on Long Island, I would drive up to Worcester for a visit, pick up a bottle of Absinthe at the liquor store, meet up with him that evening, then get fitted together the next day. Sort of a bonding thing. After all, it had been two years. Maybe then we would go rollerblading, an activity the two of us did together in Boston almost every day of the week.

When I drove up to see Matt the most remarkable thing happened. After walking into his condo, it took about thirty seconds to accept that my friend had grown up. He now had a mortgage, a fiancé, two dogs and was outrageously excited to show and tell me all about the discount he got on his absurdly expensive refrigerator. I had not seen Matt in person for two years, and after all of that time I felt that I had been seeing Matt in person every day for the past two years. It was the damndest thing. We got to talking about that, and also about how our conversations have not yet evolved. Probably every conversation since we have met revolves around something outrageously disgusting, or about the future of our lives and whether or not we were doing the right thing. We are brothers forever, Matt and I, through thick and thin. I broke out the bottle of Absinthe and we talked about everything from global business to personal business, from national politics to local politics. And then I started to tell him about Brazil.

"When are you going?" Matt asked. I told him, "Leaving January 28th and coming back nine days later."

When I said that my eyes widened, as did Matt's, as we both realized what that meant. "Crap," we said simultaneously.

Things didn't get ugly, but I felt like something that would not be allowed to be published in this newspaper. In fact, I felt like less than that.

After an at length discussion with Matt, the two of us decided that I have four choices. One is to cancel the trip to Brazil. Two is to cancel going to the wedding. Three is to purchase additional plane tickets to Boston from Brazil the day of Matt's wedding, then fly back to Brazil and finish up my vacation a total of 24 hours of additional commercial air travel. And the fourth is kind of a stretch, but I told Matt that I would give it a shot. If you or somebody you know has a private jet and feels like flying to Brazil to roll with us during Carnival and would let me borrow it just for the day to go to Matt's wedding, I would be forever grateful and would have no problem letting you stay in my hotel room free of charge in Brazil, with all the drinks you want. My Dad has also agreed that an issue of the paper would be dedicated to that person and a full feature article would be written up about them. If you have any other ideas on what I should do about this, please e-mail me at david@danspapers.com or call the office here at 631-537-0500 and ask for me. Also, I would really like to know what you yourself would do in a situation like this, but please just e-mail me that. Oh, and, of course, if you have a private jet, don't hesitate to call.