Dan's Papers - November 16, 2007

The Hamptons have recently been host to a number of pranks. With the advent of shows like "Jackass," "Viva La Bam," and "Girls Behaving Badly," we have witnessed people do some really shoddy things that you should not attempt at home. Although hijinks and trick-or-treating are common around Halloween and during the harvest season, East End pranksters have reached a new low and it's not even April Fool's Day. We here at Dan's Papers are committed to informing the public about what's funny, what's not so funny, and, of course, what's completely unacceptable. If you have more suggestions please visit our entertainment blog at www.danshamptons.com.

We'll start with some clever basics. Here at Dan's Papers there is an electronic whoopee cushion that sits behind some stacks of papers and when its timer is set, releases a loud, fart-sounding noise. At first we pointed fingers and laughed at our summer interns, who were in the office at the time, assuming that they were still transitioning from their collegiate diet to a more refined Hamptons culinary experience. But leave it to David Rattiner, our famed TwentySomething columnist to be the maestro behind the whoopee cushion prank. Rattiner was almost crying from laughing so hard. After farting in the editorial department, the wicked whoopee made its way through production, art and even the sales department, sending non-odorous waves of laughter throughout the building. Okay, so David knows how to pull off a blooper that is both acceptable and funny. Other funny classics include but are not limited to, the flaming bag of dog poop on someone's doorstep, itching powder and attaching a dollar bill to a fishing line.

But there is a thin line between prankin' and being down right mean. Sometimes pranks can be age-specific and I would say that the following pranks are most common amongst teenagers. Let's say your friend is babysitting in a large McMansion and you think a good prank would be ordering a pizza to the house. You call the closest Domino's, Francesca's, World Pie or Astro's, and order ten pies choc-full of anchovies. When your friend answers the knock on the door and receives the bill for over $150, it is funny, but definitely over the line. When they trace the phone call back to your house, you will end up broke and knee-deep in salted fish, dough and sauce. This prank is on the borderline of funny and felonious and is in the same category as lighting fireworks on dates other than the Fourth of July or driving a Range Rover on the beach after a photo shoot for Mr. Ralphampton's perfume. A good example of a borderline prank took place on October 28, when two students from Pierson High School were charged with felony criminal mischief in the third degree after they threw eggs and rocks at a house on Jermain Avenue in Sag Harbor. The eggs were so powerful that they broke the rear window of the owner's Ford Taurus, causing yolk stains and $550 in damages. The egg throwers were caught on video purchasing two-dozen eggs at the Sag Harbor 7-Eleven just before the throw down. Police said to the alleged egg tossers, "you've been yolked!"

Other East End borderline pranks include the mailbox vandalism on Three Mile Harbor Road, where more than four mailboxes had been either de-posted or smashed with what appeared to be a baseball bat. And who could overlook the two women in Sag Harbor who avoided paying a $25 taxi fare last Thursday night by telling a driver that they had to get money from inside a house on Springs-Fireplace Road. They never came back out and the driver said he saw them run down West Drive.

Nevertheless, there are just some people who push the envelope and step over the line of judgment when it comes to pulling the wool over the eyes. Just recently, Anthony Izzo, 23, a member of the Montauk Fire Department, pulled an unacceptable prank. He used flashing red and blue lights in the grille of his Chevy Impala in conjunction with a loud speaker to order a driver and passenger to the side of the road. At this point, Izzo made the innocent people step out of their car and get on to their knees. Without a doubt, this was Izzo's poor attempt at a practical joke and last Wednesday he was arrested and charged with second-degree criminal impersonation, a misdemeanor. Izzo was released on his own recognizance and will be arraigned in East Hampton Town Justice Court.

There is an art form to pulling off the perfect prank and maybe its necessary to learn from other's mistakes at the expense of keeping slapstick comedy alive on the East End - until April Fool's Day comes around, leave it to the professionals.