Spear’s Divorce
Well, that’s it, I’m never getting married. If Britney Spears and Kevin Federline can’t make it all the way through, then who the heck can? I really didn’t see this coming, it was a match made in heaven. I mean what was more perfect then the marriage between the two of them?
I know, I know, you were shocked just like me when I heard the news. It was all right there on the front page of CNN.COM when I heard about it. The Dan’s Papers office started going bananas.
“Did you hear the big news? It’s unbelievable!” Somebody cried out in horror.

I’m thinking North Korea declared nuclear war against the U.S. I’m thinking another terrorist attack. I’m thinking an outbreak of a flesh eating flu virus.

“BRITNEY SPEARS IS GETTING DIVORCED FROM KEVIN FEDERLINE!”

“NO WAY!” I cried in horror. How could this be? Kevin seemed like such a nice, charming, smart gentleman.

In all seriousness, nearly all of us saw this coming only like five thousand miles away. Britney and Kevin were doomed from the beginning and everybody seemed to know it, mainly because Kevin is the perfect scumbag, if you think about it. And now Brit is back on the market. Hmmmm……

You know something, I’m going to be honest with you. Now that Britney is back on the market, I’m not really all that excited about it. I don’t know if it is her own fault or not, but now that she is available, I’m not really all that excited about it. I’m not so sure teenaged boys (and teenaged-minded men) are going to rejoice all that much. We are all kind of over her. But nevertheless, we are at least going to turn our heads around and see what she is going to do with herself now that she is free. A shot for a make out session with Britney Spears while listening to “Oops I Did It Again” would be hard to pass up.

I’m sure that all of us are going to see a photo of her in the tabloids in the next couple of weeks with headlines like, “What About The Children?” or “Who’s Fault Was It?”

You know who is next, don’t you? Tom and Katie are next for sure. Absolutely for sure. And let’s not forget about Brad, that’s going to go too, I don’t care what any of you say.

Divorce today seems to be just a part of marriage, at least a celebrity marriage. Even my idols Seinfeld and Billy Joel have been divorced.

I was recently at my cousin’s wedding that was truly a match made in heaven and I truly believe that the two of them will be able to make it through a lifetime of marriage. Which really got me thinking about celebrity marriages. They are all doomed, every single one of them. No, that’s not true. I remember seeing Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon and thinking to myself that they were perfect together. I feel the same way about Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick.

But all of the other ones, I wouldn’t be surprised to see fall apart. Not even a little.
I wonder if Britney will turn super hot again in the same way that Jessica Simpson was suddenly on the mind of every guy after divorcing Nick Lachey. Wouldn’t that be weird? What would be even weirder is if the two pop stars became man-haters together and toured. I’d buy tickets to that concert in a second.