Dan's Papers - October 31, 2008

There's an old joke that suits the current political season, as well as this article. In the past, a young British politician running for local office in one of England's African colonies was visiting strategic villages making speeches. Pontificating before a crowd of about 1,000 natives, he was quite a contrasting sight, dressed in his proper white linen Harrod's safari outfit, crowned with a gleaming white pith helmet. "If you elect me governor, I promise you that every hut in this village will have a new roof within a year." Excited, the enthusiastic natives shouted, "Ungowa." "If you elect me governor, I will see to it that you will no longer go hungry because the government will subsidize all farmers." A rousing cheer of "Ungowa" went up from the masses. "If elected governor, we will pave the many washed out dirt roads around the village." Another cheer of "Ungowa" filled the hot tropic air. When his speech was over, the young politician went to the tribe's wise old chief and thanked him for his hospitality and the enthusiasm of his village towards his speech. He then asked him for directions to the next village. Pointing, the chief spoke, "Take path to big oak at end of village. Make left turn at dead hippo and go through water buffalo farm field. Village on other side, but be careful when walking through field that you don't step in the Ungowa."

Today, there is certainly a lot of Ungowa going around, and when it comes to car advertising, let the buyer beware. I'm sure most of you are confused by many of the high mileage claims being made by virtually every car manufacturer. Those for the large cars are most insulting. What motivated me to write this article was a print ad I saw just yesterday, posted by the Ford Motor Company. It pictured a two-shot of a high mileage Ford Focus next to their new SUV-sized Ford Flex. Under the picture of both cars the headline read, "UP TO 35 MPG." At a glance, since visually the Flex is much larger then the Focus, the ad implies that the larger Flex got high mileage. Pure Ungowa. According to the EPA, the Flex gets 16 mpg in the city and 22 mpg on the highway. I like the Flex because it looks like a giant, long, wheelbase Mini Cooper, but please, Ford, give the thing a smaller, more fuel efficient powertrain and stop these silly advertising shenanigans. Is it really worth a company's integrity to get people into the showroom?

I've said this before, but it bears repeating. What about all the SUV and pickup truck ads that proclaim their products get 600 miles per tankful? Whadda these guys think, the public are idiots? Any one can figure out that if you put a big enough tank in any vehicle, it can go far. This statement has absolutely nothing to do with fuel mileage. These ads are so stupid that I wonder if the management that approves them are the same people that made the decision to build these gas hogs in the first place? The answer is probably yes, and that's one of the many reasons Detroit is in dire straights.

Another thing to be wary of are the ads for large hybrid SUV pickups and cars. In all cases, because they are large and heavy - the key word here is heavy - they simply do not get that much better mileage than their non-hybrid counterparts. In most cases, the cost differential between a hybrid and non-hybrid will be much more than any saving in fuel over the years. Current experience has shown that light and small is the formula for the best hybrid fuel mileage. In my experience, the only power that delivers exceptional fuel mileage in a large highway vehicle is diesel power.

There are many things to look for when shopping for a high mileage automobile. Here are some clues. Use your eyes and common sense. If the car is small, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out the car is going to get better fuel mileage than a larger car. But the most important thing is engine size. For pure fuel economy, the engine should be four cylinders, and under two liters in size. However, there are certain other factors that could sway me. Take the excellent six speed automatic transmission offered in the Volkswagen Jetta. Sold. Then there's the five-speed automatic in the Honda fit. Sold. No cars in their price range offer such gas savings transmissions. Of course, look at the window stickers in the side windows of any new car, which, by law, should be in every new vehicle. They clearly state the EPA mileage. Their mpg numbers are finally pretty accurate. Remember when the Toyota Prius EPA highway mileage number used to say 60 mpg and now says 41 mpg. Not surprisingly, all large, heavy vehicle city mileage numbers, usually astoundingly dismal, might make you gasp. Don't believe the car ads, especially relating to fuel mileage. Remember what that wise old African chief told the British politician. When you're walking through any car dealer's field of cars for sale, look out for the Ungowa.