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| Issue #31, October 26, 2007 |
Police Blotter
Film Festival Flash
On Saturday night a stunned festival crowd watched a man pull up in front of the Southampton Movie Theatre and deliver magazines inside the theatre. He then bolted out of the theatre grabbing two Special Edition Film Festival umbrellas and sped off! One spectator heard him mutter, "Leave a message with the thumb," as he fled. Police have a video of a white haired man with a bushy white mustache.
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iPod Theft
A resident of Southampton reported to police that somebody broke into his house and stole two iPods off of his kitchen table. The recorded conversation between the man and the police about the iPod theft went like this, "HELLO, HEEEELLLLOOO, HOLA! THEY STOLE MY TWO I-POD-EO'S. I THINK THEY STEAL! THEY STEEEEAAAAALLL!!! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!"
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Potato Man
A tractor-trailer overturned on Flanders Road that was carrying over 40,000 pounds of potatoes. When the truck crashed, the potatoes spilled out all over the road causing a huge mess and disrupting the flow of traffic. Luckily, nobody was hurt and police, firemen and volunteer ambulance members all contributed to the cleanup effort. In other news, the fire and police departments are inviting the public to come down for a potato pancake fundraiser to raise money for new vehicles.
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Hosed
A man in Bridgehampton reported to police that while he was away, somebody broke into his basement and ran a hose into it then turned it on, causing flooding inside of the basement and $1,500 worth of damages. The hosed man can't wait to get his hands on this hoser to press charges. Leads are already being followed up on.
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Burger-ler
A man in Southampton reportedly ordered a cheeseburger and fries from a restaurant and escaped without paying. Police are on the hunt for the ham-burglar.
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Lion
Somebody knocked over a statue in the shape of a lion at a Montauk restaurant over the weekend. Police were alerted to the incident when complaints of a lion roaring all night long were reported.
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Football
Although the East Hampton High School boys didn't manage to pull out a win in last weeks homecoming game, they did manage to draw some illegal drinking activities. Reports of public intoxication for tailgaters at the game who were apparently drinking their sorrows away after the loss came in through the wire.
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Shover
A man in Southampton was arrested by police last week after he shoved another man so hard that he fell to the ground. Police arrested the man for assault, who declared, "It's not like I punched him the face."
- Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner
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