Dan's Papers - October 26, 2007 - Twentysomething...By David Lion Rattiner

It will get cooler today, I say to myself as I roll into work with the windows down. As I begin to sweat through my brand new Banana Republic sweater that I paid retail price for because I was too dumb to buy it during the summer when it was on sale, I realize that summer is still here and I really should be wearing some board shorts and flip flops. "I refuse to not wear this sweater, it's October for crying out loud," I say as I begin to pant from heat exhaustion.

In East Hampton, we have some very frustrated shoppers. There are women in town who just can't wait for fall to get here, and like me they refuse to believe that the weather has been as warm as it has. It is kind of funny watching these women dressed in cashmere sweaters, walking their dog who is also wearing a sweater, shopping for fall jackets, as a dopy-looking guy wearing khaki shorts with a tucked in green polo shirt and brown belt walks by wearing sunglasses and sporting armpit sweat. Where in the world did the fall go?

It's still summer in my book, folks. I'm sorry, but seventy and eighty degree weekends means it's summer. This unusually warm weather has me a little freaked out, but how can I complain? My heating bill is going to be a goose egg and the beach, which is the whole reason why any of us decide to live here, is so beautiful, spacious and empty. It's as if God decided to throw a private art show beach party for locals.

On Sunday, I went to the beach like other locals, as if it was summer. I had my towel, book, surfboard, sun block and a refusal to believe that any of this had to do with global warming. It's just the cycle of the Earth, I said to myself. Next year will be cold, enjoy this Indian summer. Global warming is nothing to worry about.

No matter how many times I say this to myself it doesn't stick. Even when I'm drinking, and the most important thing in the world to me is how I'm going to locate a box of frozen White Castle cheeseburgers, I still say to myself, "You know, this weather is really kind of freaking me out. I really hope this doesn't have to do with global warming."

It is nearly Halloween and the trees are still green. All of the orange that we are adding to our homes in celebration of the holiday isn't matching the leaves outside. It just feels wrong.

Not surprisingly, the weather is on everybody's mind. There wasn't a single person last week that didn't have a conversation that went something like this:

"Can you believe this weather, it's so gorgeous out."

"It really is. Yesterday I went kayaking."

"I really hope it lasts."

And then there is the buzz kill in the room, "I hope it's not global warming."

That guy is usually me. I feel bad about being that guy, because all I am really doing is saying something terrible about something that is amazing. Being the global warming guy is like being the guy that points out that White Castle cheeseburgers are going to give me a heart attack and chemical poisoning when I'm fifty years old. Yes, it is true, White Castle could possibly kill me in the future, but don't tell me that now! I'm enjoying these burgers. They are like heaven inside of a bun.

What bothers me about myself is that it is incredibly easy for me to justify taking pleasure in White Castle cheeseburgers without feeling any sense of guilt but it makes me crazy when the weatherman on television says, "We are so lucky! It is going to be eighty degrees in October!"

At the beginning of the workweek, I decided to change my view on the weather and enjoy it without guilt, just like I enjoy my White Castle cheeseburgers. I'm also passing along this philosophy to you. If you just look to the cheeseburger, everything will be alright.