Dan's Papers - October 19, 2007

When it comes down to it, there's no nice way to be roused at 6 in the morning. Even soft kisses on your earlobe are unwelcome when you're in the thick of REM sleep. But the fact of the matter is we often have to wake up before our bodies are ready, and as a result, we need the much-abused but nonetheless clever invention of alarm clocks.

And even though there's no sound that's a truly welcome addition to the wee small hours of morning, there are some that are worse than others. Alarm clocks are like presidential candidates. We are always selecting the least bad of our choices. I might go for a softly chiming ringtone on my cell phone and call it Obama in the face of a hollering Hillary or a right wing Mit Romney. It may be so diplomatic that I negotiate my way to the snooze button one time too many, but at least I'm not at war with the world when I get out of bed.

When selecting a new alarm clock, you're going to want to consider several things. Of course, the aesthetic quality that the clock lends to your bedroom is important. An alarm clock can have a lot of attitude, and can be a cool accent to your room. However, in the store, you'll be sold on the retro shade of blue, or how funky the bell around the cow's neck is. That's all well and good, but if you wake up with a pounding headache every morning from the screechy sound of the alarm, you won''t be satisfied. Therefore, the first thing you should be considering is what it's going to sound like when it screams in your ear at 6 in the morning.

I personally am much happier waking up to a soft chiming than a blaring scream. But I am a light sleeper, which is why I have the luxury of employing a gentle alarm clock. If you know yourself to be one to snooze in while heavy construction is going on outside your window, you may actually need the obnoxious shouts to get you out of bed. I know some people who have such a hard time getting up that they plant their alarm clocks across the room and put the most obnoxious sound on maximum volume. That way, they have to get out of bed to turn off the sound, and by then, they're up, and stumbling into the shower is as easy as falling back into bed.

Nowadays, with iPods and MP3 Players all over the market, our lives are set to our own personal soundtracks. So why wouldn't that soundtrack begin as soon as you wake up? In fact, why wouldn't that soundtrack be what wakes you up? Then you'll never have to be without your favorite music. MP3 playing alarm clocks are available in a variety of brands, and they'll get you out of bed singing. One MP3 playing alarm clock, available at www.iwantoneofthose.com, is a cool, chic cube with a 64 MB memory to keep lots of your favorite albums.

Once you've assessed your needs for the sound of your alarm clock, you can look into your options for appearance. One of my favorite outlets for cool housing décor is the MoMa Design Store. They've got a wide variety of alarm clocks, including travel alarm clocks and illuminating alarm clocks. But perhaps the coolest of all is called the "Clocky Alarm Clock." Clocky is the alarm clock that can jump down from up to 3 feet and run away and hide if one does not get out of bed on time. After one snooze cycle, Clocky will roll and move around the room with randomly patterned alarm beeps. If you decide you're tired of having an alarm clock with a mind of its own, you can disable the wheels and set it on your nightstand.

For a great selection of funky alarm clocks, check out the British website www.whatsfunky.com. The retro alarm clock with the sexy pin-up lady is a funny and funky way to wake up. And the good news is, this lady won't get mad if you hit the snooze button.

An alarm clock is just another way to liven up your room. So instead of settling for the same old screecher, check out some of these funny, funky alternatives and wake up in style.