Dan's Papers - October 3, 2008

Herbert Geller, a businessman in Westhampton is going to jail after he swindled $600,000 from 92 businesses that used his company to pay federal payroll taxes. District Attorney Thomas Spota, known for jailing people who do this type of crime, nailed him to the wall after he pointed out that businesses were paying their payroll tax twice, with the payment ending up in Geller's pocket. He faces 20 to 30 years in prison. Go get 'em Spota.

A local man in East Hampton went out for a night of drinking and drank too much. He knew not to get in his car and drive, but didn't realize that trespassing onto somebody else's lawn and passing out would be such a problem. The owner of the house is pressing charges for criminal trespassing.

A man in East Hampton was pulled over for failing to use his directional signal. After a computer check police realized that the man was driving his car with canceled insurance. While being questioned, police found a small quantity of cocaine on the man. The man really wishes that he had used his directional signal.

In Riverhead, a newer, bigger trailer is being used to house sex offenders who are also homeless. The trailer is being used as a temporary shelter for the sex offenders. A temporary shelter for homeless sex offenders, yep, no problem there.

A 70-year-old man is being questioned after getting prescribed unusually large amounts of Viagra. Apparently the man is reselling the Viagra to people he knows in exchange for getting the prescription for them. The people that he sells to are afraid to get the prescriptions themselves out of embarrassment.

A man in East Hampton was pulled over after an officer noticed that an extremely large crucifix was hanging from his rear-view mirror and was dangerously obstructing the drivers view. After the officer pulled the man over, he found that his drivers license had been suspended. The man was arrested.

A man in Southampton caused a disturbance after he started to yell and scream into his cell phone at a restaurant. The man was yelling so loudly, "ARE YOU THERE? CAN YOU HEAR ME? ARE YOU THERE?" that patrons in the restaurants became extremely uncomfortable and began to leave. Finally the restaurant manger stepped in and asked the man to take his phone call outside. When he came back in for service, the manager asked him to turn off his cell phone while he ate or else he was going to call the police. The man apologized.