Police Blotter

High Beams
A man was pulled over in East Hampton for driving with his high beams on. After police pulled him over, they figured out that he was intoxicated and arrested him for drinking and driving. The man was quoted saying, "@%#$ high beams."

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Sagaponack
It is always a little strange when there is a crime in Sagaponack. It is just so cute there. But some perpetrator graffitied several trees in Sagaponack. Police believe it was a possible gang tag. Ohhh, the Sagaponack gangs are so scary.

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More Surfers
A group of surfers were ticketed once again for surfing at the point by the State Parks Department. The surfers are pretty bummed about the tickets. Although most were stoked for the waves that day, their day became not so radical when the police interrupted one killer session. It was reported that most of the State Parks guys that ticketed the surfers were kind of ugly.

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Fireworks
Two men in East Hampton were charged with criminal possession of a controlled substance and unlawful dealing with fireworks. The men nearly exploded in anger when they were arrested.

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Come On
Police responded to a car accident in East Hampton where a car had hit a tree, but the vehicle had left the seen. They also responded to a car accident where the same vehicle hit a gate, but the driver had fled the scene in that case as well. Police arrested the driver after catching up with him at his home, where he was found in his living room playing, "Project Gotham Racing 3" on X-Box. When police arrested the man, they stated, "You have got to be kidding me."

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Pool Guy
A pool guy in East Hampton was let off the hook as being a suspect in a stolen television when the owner of the pool company explained that there was no way the employee could have had access to the house. The pool man also claimed that he never watches TV and instead reads historical literature to pass the time.

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Jake the Snake
Jake the Snake, a giant python in Hampton Bays, was reported missing by its owner. The search was called off when the owner found the snake inside the swimming pool of his home. The pool guy has quit.

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Parking Stickers
Due to the exceptional September weather we have had, a group of drivers who did not have the proper beach permits over the summer, have been seen parking in odd locations at the beach. One driver has even been spotted taking pictures of himself parking at the best parking spot at Main Beach in East Hampton and flaunting on his blog, easthamptonparkingrebel.blogspot.com

- Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner

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