| Issue #28, October 6, 2006 |
Police Blotter
The Wetsuit Caper
An employee here at Dan's Papers was returning from the ocean after a quick surfing session. Upon his return he realized he forgot his wetsuit and headed back to the beach. At this point another employee came into the office and said he had noticed a wetsuit in the middle of the street on Halsey Lane on his way to work. When he learned that there was a missing wetsuit, the two employees immediately ran back to the spot in the street, BUT IT WASN'T THERE! The two of us are asking you, the good citizens of the Hamptons, to return a wetsuit to the Dan's Papers office if you found it in the street. We would really appreciate it, because the ocean is starting to get a little chilly.
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Pocket Computer Caper
A man reported to police that a pocket computer was stolen from a shop in Bridgehampton. The pick-pocket pocket computer picker picked a pocket p.c. but not from a pocket. How many pocket computers did the pocket-computer pick-pocket pick?
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Hot Pink Bag
A woman in East Hampton reported to police that her hot-pink handbag had been misplaced. There was no comment on whether or not the hot-pink handbag was stolen. Police believe that the person that stole the handbag drives a Mazda Miata.
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Stolen Quarters
$300 in quarters was stolen from a man's house in East Hampton. Police are scouting out the local Laundromats and arcades.
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Noise Complaint
Last week, police were called to a home in East Hampton on two separate occasions for noise complaints. Both complaints were made by the same woman. After the second complaint, police advised the woman to turn down her television set.
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Motorcycle
A whacky motorcycle speedster in Southampton was racing down the road at 100 miles an hour after trying to escape, you guessed it, a speeding ticket. Police were able to catch up with him when he hit traffic. So he dumped the motorcycle on the street and fled on foot. The police officer began a foot pursuit and chased the motorcyclist through the street, but did not catch him. Instead, another motorist, who saw the fleeing motorcyclist and the police officer chasing after him, got out of his car and tackled him. The police officer then nailed the guy with some pepper spray. I know, I can't believe the story either. But look at the words, they AREN'T in italic, and you know what that means. It means that it's the part of the blotter that I'm not making up!
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Not So Sweet
A man in Sag Harbor was arrested after he decided to host a sweet sixteen party at his home. Police arrested the man after they found out that he was supplying alcohol at the party. All of the wine coolers, Jello shots, Bud Light kegs, hard lemonade, rum punch, and ice-shots were "confiscated" by police.
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Menace
A 20-year-old and a 17-year-old in Sag Harbor were arrested for menacing and harassment by Sag Harbor police after they chased around another teenager in their car and then on foot. The teenager was able to escape by hiding behind a wooded lot. Police have confirmed that neither of the arrested boys are Dennis the Menace.
-Written and Compiled by David Loin Rattiner
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