Dan's Papers - October 6, 2006

Hampton Township is considering a plan that would link up the unused bedrooms of the big McMansions in the Hamptons with those who need affordable housing.

The plan came up at the weekly Hampton Board meeting last Thursday after a prolonged discussion about what a shame it is that the middle class can't afford to live here anymore.

"I know that with our current programs, we have just barely touched the problem of affordable housing," Mayor Wilson said. "We build 25 affordable homes, and people move into them, and it helps, but that's it. We can do what we can do."

"We just don't have the money," said Town Comptroller Art Benson.

The Commissioner of Affordable Housing, Fred Schneider, noted that it all comes down to bedrooms. The 25 affordable homes just completed and given out by lottery each have two bedrooms, so this is fifty bedrooms, which means at best a hundred people.

Commissioner of Transportation Roadman noted that a hundred fewer people commuting here from up Island would make a dent on Route 27's traffic jams that might hurry up traffic for "sixty seconds."

"What about all the bedrooms in all the McMansions?" the mayor wanted to know. "People have fifteen bedrooms. Who needs fifteen bedrooms?"

"People who have fifteen kids, I guess," Schneider said.

"Who has fifteen kids?"

"Well, I guess it's an ego thing."

"This is America," Roadman said. "The more bedrooms you have, the bigger success you are."

"Well, we have all these people who need homes," the Mayor said. "That seems to be the only source of affordable housing, those unused bedrooms."

And so a plan was put forward. The Town Attorney is going to draft a bill that requires all residents who own homes with more than twelve bedrooms to file paperwork explaining who is using each bedroom. Perhaps all the bedrooms can be explained. People with more children would be allowed to have more bedrooms. They'll have to name names and show birth certificates. The guest bedrooms will have to be limited. The limit would be four. Beyond that, any bedrooms that are not adequately accounted for, will, after a one-year grace period, be put into the affordable housing pool, and in the usual local lottery process, be doled out as needed.

"We think that by enforcing these rules, we can provide as many as 14,000 bedrooms for middle class and blue collar workers," the Mayor said, after a rough estimate by Town Building Inspector Hammermill using a calculation that was made and given to the mayor. "This would be an astounding achievement," the Mayor concluded.

"And it could solve the traffic problem getting into and out of here," said Transportation Commissioner Roadman.

"It could also mix the different social groups in town in a wonderful, wonderful way," said Freddie Brackston, who owns the Hampton Harbor Trailer Park. "As we do at my trailer park."

This new proposal is not a law just yet, of course. It has to be written up and brought back to the Board by the attorney. There have to be public hearings. And then it has to be approved by majority vote of the board members, something that might not happen before the end of the month.

Nevertheless, many in the audience at the Board meeting wanted to talk about the proposal for a while. And the Mayor indulged them.

"I think this is the stupidest idea I have ever heard," said Joe Bruno, who attends all the board meetings and always has an opinion on everything.

"A man's home is his castle."

"What I'd like to know," said Cecila Engles, a local real estate agent, "is who gets the rent money?"

The Mayor, who had suggested this proposal, gave this answer.

"Everything would be on a one year lease. We'd establish an affordable rent. And it would be paid to the homeowner. There are expenses in keeping up these bedrooms, no one doubts that."

"I think this proposal, if made into an ordinance, will become a model for similar ordinances around the country," said Pam Boone, the head of the local Food Pantry. "We live in a time of Global Warming. We cannot afford these excesses in times such as these. If people build things they then don't use, that's the sort of waste I'm talking about."

"It's like keeping the engine running in your car in your driveway in the event you might want to use it sometime," Erwin Foosh, the owner of Hampton Bike Rental, said.

"We have to strike a blow," Ms. Boone continued.

"Let's hear what other people have to say," the Mayor said.

"I don't think the rich are going to like this ordinance," Hattie Green said, folding her arms across her chest.

"Maybe the rich could BUY their way out of this," Algae Harrison, the owner of the Harrison Jewelry Store said. "Like the rich did during the Civil War when they didn't want their sons to go off as soldiers. They'd pay an amount and somebody else would serve in their son's place."

"This isn't about money," the Mayor said, "and we'll have none of that. It's about solving a problem. There is no Civil War."

"Well there COULD be a civil war," said Sol Teterman, a real estate agent. "The rich could rise up."

"The rich never rise up," said Harrison.

"But this is un-American," continued Teterman. "Don't say it isn't. You get rich and you buy a house with five bedrooms, then you get richer and you buy a house with ten bedrooms. You've become the great American success story. You take your friends on tours through your house. And these are the ten bedrooms. Then you get even richer than that and you buy a house with fifteen bedrooms."

"None of those would be affected," the Mayor said, "except the last one."

"What about somebody's kid who goes off to college for four years?" a woman asked.

"Exemption," the Mayor said.

"I don't know if the middle class or the blue collar workers are going to be willing to live in these places," said Alex Rutkowski, a man who owns a swimming pool building business. "Some of these rich people are pretty nasty."

"Well, then," the Mayor said, "they wouldn't have to take this housing. They could stay outside the Hamptons and commute. Just like they do now."

And on that note, the meeting was adjourned, and it will be Topic One next week when the Town Attorney is expected back with this proposal as a legally worded bill.