Dan's Papers - September 12, 2008

Heading into the work world from college, most of us were supported by a bevy of self-help books, and career counselors who reviewed our internships and QPA scores, and helped us determine the ideal work environment. A large, formal corporation? A laid back non-profit? A casual mom and pop shop? The point was, find a work culture that fits your personality and your career will thrive. As adults, we know that the right environment is critical to career success. Yet even the most attentive parents overlook this when choosing a school for their child.

Typically, the recent "first day" for parents and kids wasn't the first introduction to the school. Most parents, especially in the school-obsessed New York area, have done their due diligence, making sure the institution is up to snuff for Junior; that he or she will be on the track for a Harvard MBA starting at the age of five. I've heard of parents doing independent background checks on each teacher, just short of hiring a PI. Others of us who are less "thorough," let's say, tour the schools, check stats, meet principals and talk to other parents before making a decision. Sometimes we call it right on the mark. Other times, parents think twice about their decision, yanking their kids out of a school midyear. Some parents make a switch from a school because there are too many students; but I know at least one mom who transferred her child because there were too few.

My partner and I looked at three schools out here (parochial, public and private) before choosing the one we thought was the best for Hudson. Of course the schools' reputations were important, but just as important was the culture and "feeling." Our son is very outgoing and requested a school with "lots of kids." (His only criticism of his pre-k, where there were four classes of about 15 students each, was, "I wish there were new kids every day.") So needless to say, the principal at his current school was somewhat surprised when we made the request: "Please put our son in the biggest class."

We know things about our son, beyond his Dial scores, that are predictors of his academic and social success: He's a "people person" - a good time Charlie. Like many young children, he responds very well to humor. That approach works best with him as both a disciplinary tool to distract from negative behavior, or to quickly change his mood when he's grumpy or downright ornery. So, as he was entering kindergarten, we felt that a teacher's personality and demeanor were just as important as her credentials to assure success in his first year in "the system." So, our second request was, "Please give him the teacher who is the most fun."

It's great if our chldren are reading and know how to write all their letters by June, but it's more important that they come away from the year with an excitement about school and learning, and a desire to return day after day, year after year. And, like an adult's workplace, school presents an opportunity to learn how to get along in the world, to discover things about yourself, to identify your strengths and max them, to be realistic about your weaknesses and build on them. It's a daily opportunity to decipher the best way to deal with new situations and learn from others. But first, a child has to know it's okay to be who he is. Trying new things and reaching higher is a lot easier when you're comfortable in your own skin.