Police Blotter

Classic
At the Hamptons Classic inside the VIP tent, a theft of a $650 purse was stolen, along with a $400 digital camera. Police that made the arrest were quoted saying, "Your purse was only $650? How the heck did you get into this VIP tent?"

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Not So Good
A woman from New York City was driving in Southampton and smashed into the back of another vehicle. When she got out of the car to talk to the owner, she appeared to be stumbling a bit. When police arrived, they gave her a sobriety test and found out that she had been drinking. After failing the sobriety test, police arrested her. She then went to jail, and figured out that drinking and driving gets you into all kinds of trouble.

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Plants
A woman in East Hampton reported that native grass, worth about $75, was stolen from outside the front of her home. When people heard about this report, very few cared.

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Log?
It was a nice day for a dinner at a home in East Hampton. A group of ten people got together for food and wine when out of no where, a giant log came flying over a fence and smashed the entire table in half and injured one of the diners. No arrests were made and the log thrower has not been caught. The diner's dinner was ruined, but they later had one hell of a beach fire.

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Fight
A fight broke out between two men in Hampton Bays while they were both attempting to be the first in line at a grocery store. One the one man poured soda on the other mans head to let him know how he felt, and all hell broke loose. Apparently, the soaked soda dude is really more of a Pepsi guy then a Coke guy.

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Shelter Island Thugs
Two youths on Shelter Island were reported to have been walking the streets cursing at drivers that were passing by. No arrests were made, but the two were identified. Those thugs on the hard streets of Shelter Island are so tough.

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Gadgets
A man in Sag Harbor reported to police that his iPod and his Swiss Army knife were stolen out of his truck. The man is stressed, because he no longer can do anything, including opening cans and bottles of beer.

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Westhampton Beach
A video game system was stolen from a Westhampton home in middle of the day. The teenagers who play the video game system, roughly eight hours a day, have become violently depressed. They have also developed something they call sun sickness, from having to spend time outside and enjoying the real world. However, doctors have determined that the boys are just getting a little tan. I don't mean to break this to the boys, but it is so obvious that your mom stole the video game system to get you to play outside more. Thank God there are still mothers out there like this.

- Compiled by David Lion Rattiner

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