Police Blotter

Whoa

A man in Hampton Bays urinated and defecated on the sidewalk in front of a pharmacy. He was extremely intoxicated when police arrived who arrested the man and charged him with disorderly conduct as well as public urination. Police held the man without bail overnight due to the fact that he was so highly intoxicated. There was a toilet in his prison cell.

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Pulled Over

A young man in Southampton was pulled over after he was seen driving all over the road. When the officer pulled him over he realized that the man had license plates that did not match his car, no registration, no license, no working headlights and no insurance. The car, according to the man, was found abandoned and he wanted to take it for a spin. The man was arrested, the car was impounded and there was no way this guy was going to avoid being grounded.

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Punched

After getting denied entrance into a fancy nightclub in Southampton, a man punched the doorman in the face as hard as he could, knocking the doorman to the ground and causing a laceration under his eye. Police arrived at the scene and the doorman was taken to the hospital to treat his injury and was fine. The man who punched the doorman did not succeed at getting into the nightclub, however he now has found a great new spot in the Hamptons where he can party all night long called "The Big House."

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This Is Your Brain

A man in Bridgehampton was locked up after he was caught driving while under the influence of psychedelic drugs. Police told the man that inside the squad car were magical fairies that would take him to his happy place. The man did not resist his arrest by police.

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Theft

A man reported that in Sag Harbor, on two separate occasions, his wallet had been stolen from his convertible. Police wrote the report and advised the man to get a different car.

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Noises

On Shelter Island, complaints of loud noises at a home alerted police to investigate. When they arrived, they found a small party going on at the home but no loud music playing of any kind. The party animals told police that they were not causing any type of loud disturbance and that they would try to whisper to appease their neighbor.

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Goodbye Dirt Bike

A man in Hampton Bays reported to police that his dirt bike had been stolen, which was valued at $1,500. The man asked police if they could hurry up the search since he uses his dirt bike for his primary mode of transportation since he can't pay for gas.

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Tickets

Six hundred billion dollars was earned for the towns of Southampton and East Hampton combined, thanks to beach parking violations over Labor Day weekend.

- Compiled and Written By David Lion Rattiner

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