Woody Allen, Pinocchio and Thick Ankles

By Dan Rattiner

Chris and I decided to see Woody Allen's new movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, last Monday night. We got to the East Hampton cinema a little late, but since we had bought tickets ahead of time by phone, we were able to get the Fandango machine in the lobby to spit them out for us, and so, late as we were, we were just able to walk right in.

It was quite a shock. When we opened the big heavy door to Theater Two and our eyes began to adjust to the darkness, we discovered that practically every seat was taken. Still, we were in. No sense wasting the tickets.

And so we felt our way down the aisle, looking for two seats together, and, finding none, just kept on walking. Finally, we were at the very front row of the theater, right under the screen. And there were two seats. We sat. And we looked up.

The movie is about two young women who spend a few weeks vacationing in Barcelona in the summertime. As they are friends, they rent a hotel suite. And then they go out and have a look around. The plot of the movie has to do with a very sincere and very likeable Spanish painter of about 30 played by Javier Bardem, who the women meet at a gallery opening. He invites them to spend two weeks hanging around with him; they accept, and in turn, they each have an affair with him.

One of the women, the blonde, played by Scarlett Johansson, has a very positive, oh-what-the-hell outlook on life, and is pretty much up for anything. The other, the brunette, played by Rebecca Hall, has an extremely cautious view of life, is always worried about what everybody else thinks, keeps saying "no, no" to all his suggestions and has a pretty nervous attitude about everything - not the least of which is caused by the fact that she's engaged to a young, up-and-coming Wall Street type. The blonde winds up moving in with the artist and has tremendous adventures, which finally deteriorate into a catastrophe when the artist's ex-wife turns up, having left her new boyfriend after trying to kill herself by overdosing on sleeping pills. The ex-wife is played by Penelope Cruz.

I thought this was a wonderful movie, with lovely scenes of both the Spanish countryside and the cobbled streets of that ancient city intermixed with hot scenes and lots of drama between these four main characters.

My only disappointment in the movie is that Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johnansson, who I have long thought of as beautiful women, were not beautiful in this picture at all. Each has a little tiny head that sits on narrow shoulders above large butts and then giant legs. The same was true of Rebecca Hall, who is new to the screen. When the women turned sideways, their noses stuck out like Pinocchio's nose. I blame this on the casting people.

I also found the scenery, gorgeous as it was, very out of proportion. The cobblestone streets were enormous, the tops of the buildings were tiny and all of the scenery was quite vertically elongated. And looking up at it gave me a pain in the back of my neck.

Except for these things, I think it's fair to say that Woody Allen has finally come of age as a major filmmaker. Over the years I have seen him progress from slapstick comedy to dry wit to intimacy and emotion, getting better at each turn.

I think I might go back and see it again, this time from the back of the theater.

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