Dan's Papers - August 29, 2008 - The Hampton Subway Newsletter

Week of September 1 - September 8, 2008
Riders: 31,346
Rider miles: 164,202
DOWN IN THE TUBE

John Edwards, the North Carolina Democrat, was seen on the Westhampton Beach platform with his sister Rae, a blond-haired beauty from Cleveland. They were staying with friends on the beach. Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart were talking together on the Sag Harbor platform on Friday. Beth Ostrosky was on the escalator in Southampton, reaching the platform just minutes before the problems with that escalator occurred there.

Sometime after noon last Saturday, some of our riders appeared not down on the platforms, but up on the street near the stairways, looking very confused. Most had been reading newspapers or working their Black Berries down below on the platform while waiting for the train, when, suddenly, they found themselves up on the street. They tried to get back down to the platforms so they could take their trains, but the "down" escalator was running up very fast. And the other "up" escalator was also running up.

A few younger people tried running down one of the up escalators, but the crowds of people coming up were so great they could not do so. It was quite a melee for awhile, with nobody able to get back down and more and more people finding themselves sucked on up.

Norma Greenfield, a longtime ticket booth agent down on the platform, said that at first she was completely baffled by what was going on.

"Everybody was going up," she said. "But nobody was coming down. Pretty soon there was nobody on the platform. I thought, Why did everybody just stop taking the subway?"

Several motormen driving subways into the Southampton during this period also expressed surprise. People were getting off. Nobody was getting on.

After a while, a huge crowd of very confused people jammed Jobs Lane, down in Monument Square, on the sidewalk. As a result, the police were called.

By the time the police arrived, people were very angry and still more were being spit out of the up escalator. Hampton Subway Headquarters was informed, and they quickly dispatched workmen to fix the problem. They found a switch reversed on the down escalator, and the speed on FAST. They fixed it. And then things returned to normal.

Several riders at this year's Hampton Classic Horse Show are sad to be without their horses for this year's show because a bunch of them got loose while being transported by subway from up the island.

"They are down in the tunnels, somewhere," said Commissioner Bob Aspinall on Thursday when informed of the matter. "I had gotten two reports from flagmen of beautiful horses running and jumping by them in the tunnels, but I originally thought, well, I guess it's something they're smoking. But apparently it was them. I've ordered everyone to keep a lookout for them now, and we will find them. They can't get out except through the platform entrances. We've reduced speeds on all lines to 25 miles an hour until they are lassoed and rounded up."

I have decided to cut my three-week vacation in Hawaii short by one day because of the problems with the Subway back home.

First of all, we are going to find who turned the knob on that switch at the top of the escalator in Southampton and caused all those problems. This act of vandalism will not go unpunished. We apologize for the inconvenience to our riders who got spit out by the escalator out onto Jobs Lane. And we are deeply embarrassed by all the national press that this event has garnered. It was not quite as bad as it was made out to be.

And yes, there are horses underground in the tunnels of the Hampton Subway. We think, all together, there are six of them. They'll turn up. Anyone interested in trying to round them up can pick up one of the bit-and-bridles we have hanging on the walls on all the platforms. Take them onto the cars. If you see a horse, pull the emergency cord, and when the train stops, hop off and catch him.