Dan's Papers - August 31, 2007 - Looking Back At Brandgelina's Hampton Weekend

"Yes lovi-dove, I'm ready. I'm feeling a bit full after the hotdog this afternoon."

"I'll be sure to bring a packet of tums. They say it might be a bumpy ride. Are you sure you are all packed?"

"Yes, Pax is with the nanny. He's fine."

"No, I said... Oh never mind."

Brad started to brush his teeth while overlooking Central Park. He checked his watch, it was 5:10 p.m. "Honey we really have to get going!"

They were scheduled for a chopper ride heading out to East Hampton at 5:30 p.m. and he was feeling a little anxious. Although he does have a pilot's license, flying always gets him a little antsy.

"Okay, I'm ready. I can't believe you had that hot dog, how do you keep that body?"

"Being married to you helps my abs quite a bit."

The two left the hotel and met their bodyguard, Mickey, also a good friend, who was to bring them to the heliport downtown. "The press is going crazy already over me getting a hotdog. I told you that would be a big deal."

"Honey, everything you do in public is a big deal."

"You owe me five bucks. We made a bet about this last week. Don't try to get out of it."

"You should start a charity for animal cruelty tomorrow. That would really blow everyone's mind."

The two of them arrived at the heliport, where they met the chopper captain amidst a slew of paparazzi. Angelina knew the whirlwind from the chopper was going to lift her short top up, exposing the tattoo on her back. She smiled to herself, knowing that Brad was going to owe her five bucks later.

Their chopper captain was used to flying celebrities out to the Hamptons. In fact, just last week he choppered out a whole slew of celebrities. But he had to admit to himself that he was pretty excited to tell his pals that he just flew Brangelina out to the Hamptons. Something about them was very exciting.

Trying to keep himself from getting blindspots from all the paparazzi lights, the pilot pushed the stick forward, lifted up the couple and elegantly brought them over Manhattan and out towards East Hampton Airport. He looked in his rearview mirror and made eye contact with Angelina, who caught him looking. He broke a sweat.

About half an hour later, there was trouble. Due to unwelcome fog, they'd have to land in Westhampton, at Gabreski Airport. Brad was relieved. Less paparazzi, he thought. The couple's personal assistants had already heard about the weather, and scheduled a taxi to pick them up at Gabreski. A limo would have sufficed, but when their publicist heard about the weather, he looked at it as an opportunity to show that Brad and Angelina were "down to earth."

"Did you prepare a speech for the Katrina benefit?" Angelina asked.

"I think I'm just going to wing it."

Inside the cab, the couple drove the long way out to Water Mill, to see Jane Rosenthal and Craig Hatkoff at their home, both of whom were very anxious about the coming fundraiser for Katrina victims. "How many people do you think will be there?" Brad asked.

"They said it's a dinner for 50, so maybe 100 will be there, I guess."

"I hate small crowds, they make me nervous."

"We better call the kids before we get there." Quickly Brad flipped open his iPhone and put it on speaker. He dialed the nanny's cell directly, who was just about to cook dinner. "Hey gang, we are just calling to say we love you and good night. We're going to be hosting a fundraiser for a while."

"Mom, Maddox called me a dum-dum."

"Hey, don't talk like that Maddox."

"Maddox, listen to your mother."

"Got to go, kids. We love you."

Brad and Angelina stepped out onto the beautiful estate in Water Mill, where everybody began to act like they were not impressed. Jimmy Buffett and Christie Brinkley came over to say hello. "I'm glad you're doing this," said Jimmy, "It's really an important thing."

Brad and Angelina knew the drill and began bouncing around the party, saying hello to everyone. Brad has learned how to enjoy these kinds of things and in this particular case, he was feeling extra good about helping such a good cause. He said hello to Donna Karan, who complimented him on his black suit and Angelina's white outfit. He also said hello to hotelier Andre Balazs, who told him that he loved his character in Oceans 12 and 13 because he was in the hotel business.

Under a white tent, Brad and Angelina smiled as they ate dinner together, enjoying the New Orleans-inspired crab cakes. Brad went up at the end to make a speech, for which everyone applauded. "What did you think?" he asked Angelina.

"You are such a show-off."

"Let's get out of here. I want to see the kids."

At around eleven, they snuck out and headed back to the helicopter to get back to the city. When they became airborne, Brad looked out the window. "The Hamptons are pretty cool. We should spend more time out here."

"You want to go everywhere," Angelina said, while reading the most recent issue of Dan's Papers to pass the time, "This guy, Dan, is hysterical. Have a look, honey."