Dan's Papers - August 22, 2008

If you believe the in the power of thought to create reality, most recently championed by the book/DVD "The Secret," then you might see the Benetton ads of the '80s as integral in creating the current trend in families, where children from all over the globe frolic (and look gorgeous) together. For decades, the Benetton ads, and more recently GAP ads, have put "into the universe" strong, happy images of children of all ethnicities happy together. Who knows? Maybe marketing execs at those companies had a plan to fill our collective unconscious with thoughts of racial/social harmony through the most sympathetic characters: children.

There is also the adage that out of adversity comes opportunity. If you adhere to that, then you might agree that, as incidents of infertility rise (for reasons ranging from women in their 30s and 40s trying to get pregnant, to stress-induced reproductive issues), then the option of adoption, international and domestic, is a natural, positive outgrowth of an often heartbreaking situation.

Theories aside, the results are fantastic. Instead of trying to decipher it, you can simply do a mental reality check, as I did recently, and marvel at the truly global society that our children, and we, live in. Here's a list of some of our son's friends, classmates and erstwhile buddies.

A seven-year-old boy adopted at the age of four from Siberia.

A three year old boy adopted at 18 months from Khazikstan.

An eight and nine year old sister and brother, adopted as infants from Cambodia.

A ten year old girl, adopted as a toddler from China.

A seven year old African American boy adopted domestically as an infant by a single, Caucasian dad.

Of the adopted children our son knows, most are from countries outside the U.S.

According to something called the "Population Reference Bureau," the United States adopts more children from abroad than any other country. It reads, "The number of foreign children adopted by U.S. parents has increased sharply, and nearly doubled during the 1990s ... And because many adopted children come from a different racial or ethnic background than their American parents, they contribute to the blurring of racial and ethnic boundaries."

The site offers another reason for the trend: "the dwindling supply of adoptable children within the United States [because of] ... increased access to contraception, the availability of legal abortion, decreases in the teen birth rate, and reduced social stigma surrounding unmarried parenting." As a result, it concludes that there are fewer U.S.-born children available for adoption.

In many ways, that is good news. Fewer unwanted children in any country is a great development. It motivates people to look beyond their own citizenship in order to have a family. And it kind of blows away the theory that people have children for ego-gratification. If you're traveling to Siberia in the dead of winter to adopt a child at a tremendous cost, the need to be a parent is clearly trumping the need to further your own gene pool.

Yet despite the cost of foreign adoption, it is still preferred by many future parents of America. Not to mention, according to the PBD, "adopting within the United States is legally complicated, slow, and costly."

Statistics from 2002 show that 25% of foreign adoptions are from Russia; 25% from China, 25% from "other." The kids, at this age, don't care. As an adult, I find the developments amazing, "loaded," heartwarming. It's particularly profound now, with China and Russia very much in the news these days for good and bad. The categorical prejudice of past generations toward entire cultures and countries becomes virtually impossible when you're holding a child from that country in your own arms.