Dan's Papers - August 15, 2008

There are so many great fundraisers for great causes on the East End, including benefits for children. Happily, many are well supported. Afterall, who doesn't want to help a child in need? Out of sheer altruism, or just as a bit of "There but for the grace of god..." There are many children in the country with many needs, and fortunately, many of us here in the Hamptons have a chance and the means to contribute to their causes. There's a population of children, many from families who visit or live in the Hamptons that have a different kind of challenge. Shockingly, even now in the year 2008, they may be socially challenged in their neighborhoods, schools, and other group environments because they are children of gay/lesbian or some other "alternative" family structure.

On August 23 at the Children's Museum of the East End (CMEE) in Bridgehampton, there will be a fund raising event for all families: the third annual Families in the Hamptons celebration sponsored by the Family Equality Council. The goal of the Council, which was started by gay dads almost 30 years ago, is "to ensure equality for LGBT families by building community, changing hearts and minds, and advancing social justice for all families."

According to Jennifer Chrisler, Executive Director of the council, "It's important that as a community of families we come together to celebrate what we share - a love of our children, a commitment to our communities, a belief that the world can be a just place that values each individual for their contribution to the greater good. Family is such a common bond that unites so many of us in this country and in the Hamptons. For too long we have talked about family values without valuing families."

FEC's vision, as outlined on its website, "will be realized when children are free from harassment, bullying and discrimination based on their family constellation." As we head toward the school year, these goals are imminently important for all families. Current estimates indicate that there are more than 7 million lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) parents with school-age children in the United States.

Of course, the question for many parents may be: Why should I worry about this? My child is from a traditional family (which, at this writing, probably means a divorced family since that's at about a 50% of family sturctures these days). According to Chrisler, "Family Equality Council works to protect all loving families - single, LGBT, headed by grandparents and raised by a mom and a dad. By supporting FEC you're ensuring a world that is endless in its acceptance for all families and all children."

A story on the Council's website reads: "In 2007, when a nine-year-old girl at Tucker Elementary School in Milton, MA told her fellow third-graders that her mother is a lesbian, she was verbally abused and physically threatened by her classmates." This is 9-year-olds. Yikes.

We all want our children to be taught and raised in a happy supportive environment. Bullying is the antithesis of that. Once bullying of any group is accepted, it paves the way for bullying of all groups.

Go to Two Mile Hollow on any weekend in the summer, and it looks like the idyllic Family Equality Council event - children from families of all stripes playing together. Adults not really sure (or really caring) who belongs to whom. Are those women the child's aunts? Or mothers? Is that doting man a friend of the immediate family? Or the other dad?

Frolicking on the beach are children adopted in the U.S. or abroad, bi-racial children, surrogate-aided children, biological mom/adoptive mom children. From the kids' perspective, for the most part, it's all good. They just want other kids to play with. But then come the inevitable questions when the kids introduce each other to the parents.

On this beach in the summer, we're all lucky - people are generally open, accepting and undaunted. But families in other parts of the country may encounter less of an unblinking response to their structure, and it is those situations, and a larger vision for all families that the Family Equality Council is working for. On a national level, the group takes action to defeat anti-family legislation and promote pro-family legislation. It works with national and state-based organizations, parent groups and families to make change, share information and build community. And finally, it takes the most important route, educating members of government, schools, faith-based communities, health care institutions and other social systems about how they can promote family equality. The organization offers, for free, an incredible variety of materials to help children, teachers, parents and school administrators learn to address issues of "alternative" families and engender an atmosphere of acceptance and learning.

The CMEE allows all families to pledge their support for children, schools, and communities. "An event like this helps all children and families see the rich diversity of our community and gives them an expansive view of the world," said Chrisler. "CMEE is an amazing facility and it will be a great time for kids and adults. By attending this important event. families of all shapes and sizes can support our efforts to ensure a more just, a more equal, a more loving world that is good for all families."

Tickets are available for the event, which is August 23, from 2-5 pm, and includes fun activities, food and refreshments, at familyequality.org. The cost is just $125.00 each for adults, much of which is tax deductible. Children attend for free. And, as it should be, all are welcome.