Dan's Papers - August 17, 2007 - Fire Up and Chill Out

Summer is almost over, and if you haven't had a beach cookout yet, hurry up! What are you waiting for? Beach cookouts are a great way to bring people together over general calamity and mishaps.

Follow these few easy steps to an almost foolproof cookout:

First things first - set a date. Once you've done that, check the weather reports religiously. Without near-perfect weather, a cookout will just be miserable. If it's too cold or windy, it gets uncomfortable, and rain obviously puts a bit of a damper on things, too.

Once you're sure that you've got the right night for it, choose the menu. I know the idea of a cookout is to cook out of home, but trying to cook pasta or anything other than meat becomes more difficult, as you have to bring pots, pans, boil water, make sure sand doesn't contaminate anything at any point, or else you'll be sharpening your teeth for the evening. It's best to leave only the main ingredients - steaks, sausages, lamb or whatever it is you want to cook - for the beach and pre-prepare the rest of the food.

Timing is also essential. Beaches don't have overhead lighting, so once darkness sets in, moving around and functioning becomes difficult. Therefore, plan to set up at a good hour to hour and a half before sunset. This gives you time to set up any tables and chairs, prep a fire and grill and designate suitable areas for campfires and nighttime activities. If everything goes well, it also means plenty of time for a cocktail before the sun goes down.

Before leaving the house, figuring out what to bring can be difficult. Let's assume every guest wants a chair, or, at the very least, a blanket. Plus, plates and cutlery are a must have. If you're going plastic, be sure to bring extras, but if you're going with proper plates and don't mind a salty aftertaste, then dipping them in the sea does the trick. Also, no matter how many torches or lamps you think you may need, you're wrong. Bring more. Remember what I said about no lighting? Yeah, well when you're trying to find your chair, your glass of wine and your sunglasses that you cleverly left in the dunes when you were watching the sunset, and it's pitch black, you're going to be grateful for all the people who have a flashlight or lamp of some kind.

Once arriving at the beach, time is of the essence. Tables must be set up (where are you going to serve food from?), fires started and drinks need to be consumed. It's always best to dig the tables in, for convenience sake. Once dug in, they're less likely to tip over and ruin food. But most importantly, check the berm! The berm is that line of seaweed and other detritus that has been left behind by the ocean as it recedes from high tide. If the beach is small and you choose to sit below the berm, make sure you're aware of the tides. Steaks are hard to cook when the fire is being fuelled with thousands of tons of saltwater. Trust me, I know.

While cookouts are supposed to be fun, it's always best to keep in mind the rules and regulations surrounding the beaches you're on. If it says no alcoholic beverages, be subtle and courteous about it. If it's a residential area, blasting music from trucks may not be the best idea. If you're going to drive on the beach, make sure you know what you're doing, too - lower the air in the tires and do not, whatever you do, drive on the dunes. It's not cool, not matter how much you want to reenact that flying stunt from the latest Hollywood car chase.

One final reminder. It's fairly obvious, but don't cover your bonfire with sand. The sand will trap the heat in and anybody walking over it the next day will suffer severe pain. Pour water over it and leave it open.

If all this seems too much work for you, do what the other weekenders out here do - hire a caterer. They'll bring the generator, fine china and waiters.