Dan's Papers - August 10, 2007 - The Sheltered Islander By Sally Flynn

ROME (Reuters Aug. 2) -- A Sicilian mother took away her 61-year-old son's house keys, cut off his allowance and hauled him to the police station because he stayed out late. Tired of her son's misbehavior, she turned to the police to "convince this blockhead" to behave properly. The son responded by saying his mother did not give him a big enough weekly allowance and she does not know how to cook.

"My son does not respect me, he doesn't tell me where he's going in the evenings and returns home late," the woman was quoted as saying. "He is never happy with the food I make and always complains. This can't go on."

Most Italian men still live at home, late into their 30s, enjoying their mamma's cooking, washing and ironing.

Some stories just write themselves. One of the biggest problems for singles on Shelter Island is the very limited dating pool. It's like high school, where anyone you date is the 'ex' of at least three other people you know. And nearly everyone loops back through their parents' homes at one time or another, between relationships or rentals.

"So, I heard you're seeing Jack now?"

"Yeah. It's a little touchy, though. He just broke up with Janet and our kids are in the same class."

"I thought he was seeing Renee?"

"Renee was before Janet, that ended last year."

"Is he still at his mother's house?"

"Yes. He lost his house in the divorce from Sandy. She married Joe T., Renee's ex. She and Joe live there now."

"Don't Joe and Jack work together? Damn awkward to work with somebody living in your house. I know he worked so hard on that addition."

"Yeah, typical Shelter Island."

"I heard Jack's mother is a little controlling."

"Oh, gawd -- you have no idea. He has to mow the lawn to her standards every weekend, we always have to tell her where we're going and he can't stay out all night."

"He can't move out?"

"She gives him $500 a month to help her. Plus, we get to use the boat."

"She won't let him use the boat if he moves out?"

"Nope. She's got him by his dobbers."

"You know he's not going to move out as long as she's paying him and he gets that nice boat."

"Tell me about it. Plus, she cooks for him, does his laundry -- you know they love that."

"I don't know how you can compete with a boat and a mother who gives cash. Money and a mast -- tough combination to beat."

"I'd need Super Bowl tickets to pry him out of there. Are you still seeing George?"

"Nah, we broke up about six months ago."

"So he's available?"

"Yup. You thinkin' of trading up?"

"I don't' think there's much trading up on Shelter Island, it's all lateral moves now."

"True. George is living with his parents right now, but they're not controlling. His dad has Alzheimer's and his mother is so grateful he's there to help her that she lets him do anything. They have a gorgeous log cabin in Maine. You'd really love it -- it's right on a lake."

"Well, if you break up with Jack this month, I can snag him early enough to still enjoy some boating this summer."

"And I can get into that cabin by September. I love autumn in New England."

"Okay. That's settled. I get Jack, you get George. Now, where are we going for lunch?"