Dan's Papers - July 25, 2008

Dear Dan,
A friend of mine was gracious enough to let my daughter, three-year-old granddaughter and myself use his East Hampton beach house for a few days. After having lunch we decided to go out the sliding glass door to the pool. All clad in our swim wear we thought our vacation had begun... but to our surprise the door locked behind us and there we were, no keys, no cell phone, no money.... you get the picture. We saw a car at a house two doors down and a teenager opened the door and let us use his phone. We called 411 and were connected to a locksmith for East Hampton village who told us he was too busy to help. We then called 411 again and they informed us that the only other listing for a locksmith was in Montauk. They wouldn't come without a credit card, which we didn't have.
Plan B, we found another house with adults the brother- in- law came with us and tried to open the door but to no avail. We then went back to their house where the sister said, " you don't want to call a locksmith" (I guess she knew something we didn't). So we called the East Hampton police who said they don't open doors but said they have two numbers of locksmiths in the area, so we called and he said he would be there in 15 minutes. We were so grateful since by this time two and a half hours had passed. We were hot, thirsty and my daughter and I had already experienced panic attacks. My granddaughter was just happy that someone was coming to save the day! Well, right on time the locksmith's truck pulls up; he and we think his wife get out with the motor still running (I guess they knew they wouldn't be long). They couldn't open the front door so he broke the lock and coincidentally had the same exact doorknob in his truck. All of this took about 15 minutes. He handed me the bill for $260. I was in shock I could have bought a new door for that money and in retrospect I could have broken a window.
I'm not a Hamptonite and this was almost a week's salary. I'm writing this letter to let your readers know that being a locksmith is a very profitable profession.

Welcome to oceanfront pricing. - DR

Dear Dan,
I have a bone to pick with you but not directed to you. Why and how can Katie Lee Joel only 26 with no formal culinary trading teach a cooking class in August?
What are we expected to learn that my mom couldn't teach me?
I believe she has no formal training whatsoever. Am I wrong? I could save the folks some time and money and tell them to go buy a cookbook. Still in disbelief...

Dear Dan,
This evening my wife and I took my granddaughter out for a sunset drive on Napeaque Beach for her first time. We just got a new truck and it was the first time we have taken it on the beach. Well, we soon found out it was not as good in the sand as our old truck. We quickly got stuck deeply in the soft sand. A group of very nice young men tried and tried to get us out but nothing they did worked. It was getting dark, and my wife and granddaughter were getting upset that none of the efforts made had gotten us out of the sand. Then along came an East Hampton Town Marine Patrol vehicle. An officer named Tim Treadwell reassured us and said he would try to help us in any way he could. He hooked up his winch to our truck and out we came. He followed us to the road and made sure we were OK. Now that's public service. With all the negative stories about our law enforcement I thought your readers may like to hear a positive one. Thanks Officer Tim you were great.

Most appreciatively,
John, Karen, and Ghaliya
Via e-mail
cc East Hampton Town Marine Patrol

Our police are polite, courteous and professional and they have a very hard job to do. We just write about the exceptions. - DR

Dear Dan,
I have a couple of questions regarding Bob Gelber's description of the Volkswagen "Beatle." Did the car record lots of his songs and go all the way to India to meet the Maraharishi? Also, I doubt if I would buy the new Fiat he mentions. Perhaps he hasn't heard that FIAT is an acronym for Fix It All (the) Time.

It was the fifth Beatle. - DR

Dear Dan,
Read Schlesingers Memoirs, Clintons Book and In the Hamptons, returned to Clintons book at page 343. Your book is still more enjoyable than either.
Except perhaps for Albee, your reviewers make much of the fact that this is the Hamptons. The stories are timeless and a great read regardless of the setting. That is why the book should have universal appeal. Keep writing and I will keep reading. Enjoy your summer.

What about Shakespeare? - DR

Dear Dan:
Read your article on the swans.... wonderful and sad. I do think you may have coined a new word for a baby swan because I have always thought they were called "cygnets." For your information: if you've never read E.B. White's "Trumpet of the Swan", it's worth your time.
Also, there is a web site by Charlene Turner, a photographer from Huntington, called Swan Watch. This spring she photographed Mom and Dad from the mating right on through birth and after. How she got these pictures, without being attacked by the swans, is amazing.