Dan's Papers - June 26, 2009 - The Hampton Subway Newsletter

Many celebs and millionaires were down in the Subway last Sunday heading this way and that to one of the half dozen fundraisers held in these parts that night. Among them were Rudolph Guiliani and his wife, Judith (née Nathan), who went to Bridgehampton from Noyac on the subway for the American Heart Association Gala, and Christie Brinkley, who went from Bridgehampton to East Hampton to hear her daughter, Alexa, play the piano at the Ross School Gala. When Billy Joel, who is Alexa's father, boarded in Sag Harbor, he joined Christie.

Last Monday afternoon, the subway between Water Mill and Southampton was shut down for two hours as workmen searched feverishly for a man who they feared might have been hit by a train on the tracks.

The drama began about noon when workmen operating the blower that cleans the tracks on the line every day at that hour came upon a suicide note next to the third rail halfway between these two stations. The note was dated that day, and it said that this fellow had leapt in front of the train there because he just couldn't take it anymore. He was painfully shy. He could hardly speak. And he was just seeking a quick end.

Upon learning of this note, Commissioner Aspinall immediately ordered the shutting down of the train between those two stations so a search could take place. After an hour with no body found, dogs were ordered brought in. And after a second hour, the whole thing was about to be called off as some sort of prank when somebody happened to look up and see this man, up on the ceiling, tangled up in the electrical wires that go to the overhead lighting in the tunnel.

He was a very shy even up there. He tried to speak but could not. But then, after they got a ladder, shut off the lights and by flashlight got him down onto the platform, he was able, by fits and starts, to begin to tell his story.

He had indeed gone up there to jump down in front of a train. But after awhile, he changed his mind. Trying to come down, he had gotten tangled up in the wires and while trying to get free his struggles just got him tangled up tighter. When he saw the blower operator, instead of saying anything, he threw his suicide note to let the man know he was up there. But the man just read it and went off. When the search party came with their flashlights, he tried to hail him, but again he could not speak. He was just so glad they finally saw him. And now he could talk about it.

The man is now under observation in Southampton Hospital, where we are told he is now talking up a storm. He has scheduled several TV appearances to tell his story, the first of which will be on FOX on Sunday at 5 p.m. He's also hired an agent, who told us that he would no longer be using his real name so please don't mention it. He is to be known in the future as Garth Battle Steele.

This may sound hard to believe, but the Suffolk County Fire Commissioner has refused to give us permission to fire off fusillades of fireworks in all the tunnels between the stations. We had learned the East Hampton Fireworks at Main Beach was once again cancelled this year. So we stepped in planning to have this grand conflagration everywhere on our system. So now we can't do that because this stupid Commissioner says it would be a fire hazard.

Now here's the killer. We went to the East Hampton Village Board when we got the message our request was being denied, and we volunteered to GIVE the fireworks to them so they could be set off not at the beach but at the most obvious place imaginable where there are no endangered Piping Plovers to cause cancellations, which is Herrick Park, right smack in the center of town.

This park is practically surrounded by parking lots. It's a central place for everybody. Business would boom in the downtown that night if the fireworks display were held there. But you know what they said? They said no. There will be no fireworks this year. Hard to believe, isn't it.

On Saturday July 5 at 11 a.m., author Dan Rattiner reads from his new book, One Year on the Hampton Subway, at the East Hampton Airport. Hope to see you there.