Dan's Papers - June 26, 2009

As you may have noticed, a number of traditional fun events that usually take place in the Hamptons every year have been cancelled this year. There are fewer road races, kite flies, marches and parades.

Some of this lack of fun activity may be due to the state of the economy. Others may be due to a more stiff upper lip approach to the problems we face. Last week, one of our local papers wrote an editorial decrying the annual water balloon fights that take place at sea after the annual Blessing of the Fleet in Montauk Harbor. The balloons could get tangled up with the fish. Clean ups of floating debris by fishing draggers was not as effective as it should be.

But the main reason there are fewer fun events is because, in these hard times, police and highway clean up services are this year, for the first time, charging the charities for the work they used to consider part of their day to day assignment.

At one recent 5k race in East Hampton, the police department said it would want $8,000 to handle traffic during the race. Other charity races have been asked to pay the costs. In some cases, the events were cancelled or moved because the amounts asked for were more than the money raised for the charities when you counted it all up at the end.

Of course, the explanation of this is that if you want special police services, you have to pay extra. In easy times, it was no problem. In hard times it is.

I certainly can understand this. But I also wonder if our towns have thought this all through. In New York City, for example, I would be very surprised to learn that the annual St. Patrick's Day Parade receives a bill from Mayor Bloomberg. It's a fun thing. No money is raised really. The tradition goes back 100 years or more.

Here in the Hamptons, the police do not charge anybody when Santa Claus comes through town on Christmas Eve, or when a high school has its annual Homecoming Queen float parade. Should the Pope decide to come to the Hamptons, would we charge the Vatican for the disruption his eminence might cause as he comes through Town? I think not.

On the other hand, if the McFaddens want to have a wedding for their daughter with 400 people under a tent, it would be understandable for police directing traffic on their lane be paid by those throwing the wedding.

But where does all this begin and end? Some years ago, my wife got this idea that we could save money on our heating bill by building giant fires in our fireplace. It was a Franklin Stove sort of fireplace and you shoveled the wood in and the smoke went up a freestanding steel smokestack and through the ceiling to come out a chimney on the roof.

We tried this for about four hours, slowly getting the fire hotter and hotter. Pretty soon the Franklin Stove was glowing on the outside and when gusts of overheated smoke began to seep through the jacket of the indoor smokestack, we decided it was time to call the fire department.

The engines came with sirens blaring, there were police cars and crowds of people and even an ambulance showed up. But all that came of it was that the firemen in their hazmat suits doused the fire with water and then we all stood around until everything cooled down.

"Don't do that again," the chief said. In fact, he told us to buy a larger steel jacket to put around the smaller one. We shook our heads vigorously that we would do this, and we did.

What the chief did not do, however, was tell us he was going to send us a bill. The fire department was there for us, as were all the other services when we needed them.

So here is the deal - we fund these organizations with our taxes and we expect them to provide certain services. And I think it is fair to ask just what those services are, and what goes above and beyond.

I do think that there ought to be no charge when an event is held and the whole town benefits. A re-enactment of the Bridgehampton Militia heading off to the Battle of Ticonderoga might be one of them. A free performance by an opera company in a public park might be another.

A tough one might be the Dan's Papers Potatohampton 5k, which got cancelled this year. It does involve a lot of work. Our staff volunteers. Police have to be stationed at the turns of some of our rural roads. Ocean Avenue, just south of the Montauk Highway in Bridgehampton, has to be shut down for five minutes for the start.

The Dan's Papers Potatohampton, had it been held this year, which it was not, would have celebrated its 31st year in a row. Hopefully it will be back next year. In the end, the Town, after telling us there would be a bill for police services, did offer us a waiver of the costs. But by then we had already decided to call it off.

The thing is that the Potatohampton is not a fundraiser. It was created just for the fun of it. And after it became quite popular, we found that the entry fees and t-shirt sales created extra money at the end of the day. We had $1,500 left over after paying the race timer, the port-o-potty people and other needed private services. What did I do? I wrote a check for whatever was left over to the Southampton Hospital, which, other than that, had no involvement with the race. Over the next 20 years, we probably paid the hospital $50,000 in total from the money left over. After that, we branched out and gave what was left over to a variety of other charities, most recently the Bridgehampton Child Care and Recreation Center.

Our second event of the season, the Dan's Papers Kite Fly in early August, could possibly be asked to pay a bill this summer, despite the fact that late last spring, the Southampton Town Department of Recreation called and asked if it could jointly sponsor the event, rather than just us. We said sure. After 29 years, why not?

In this case, the event really is only for fun. There is no admission, no money raised, no charity, no anything. We have in the past paid for magicians and kite demonstrators and clowns and other performers if they wouldn't do it just for fun. Some years a local supermarket gives out apples or drinking water. Archie Comics hasda stand that gave away comics to kids. All was for free. And until now, Southampton Town has been very generous in their support.

Fun is good. Especially in hard times. I am writing this not only on behalf of our events, but other events, such as East Hampton's Annual Sandcastle Contest in Amagansett to benefit Ross School or the Mulford Farm fair or one of the more informal Easter Egg Hunts. Police services are needed.

Somebody a whole lot smarter than me ought to set up some guidelines of what should be considered part of normal services and what ought to be considered above and beyond.

Otherwise, all sorts of traditional fun events will pass from the scene.

I am writing this sitting on the beach at the jetty just to the east of East Hampton Main Beach. One of the volunteers from the Nature Conservancy just came by with signs to put up that read RESTRICTED AREA, Piping Plover Endangered Species Nesting Area. I hadn't noticed any little birds skittering about, so I asked her about it.

"You can be out there on foot," she said. "But no vehicles and no loud noises."

I'd parked my car inland and had walked through the dunes so that was alright. But I did ask a question.

"What about the Fourth of July Main Beach fireworks next week?" I asked, motioning to the Main Beach pavilion 500 yards to the west.

"Cancelled," she said.

That makes four years in a row because of these damn piping plover nests. The eggs hatch and the birds are gone by the end of July and the signs come down. Too bad the country wasn't founded in August.

I'm thinking of moving to Newfoundland. They have a big Black Fly weekend in August. Everybody pitches in.