Dan's Papers - June 27, 2008 - Classic Cars by Bob Gelber

Fifteen years ago, in one of my car stories, I happened to mention one of my favorite vintage sci-fi films, The Day the Earth Stood Still. The classic 1951 science fiction thriller is about an alien visitor who comes to earth with his giant indestructible robot counterpart named Gort. In the movie, actor Michael Rennie, playing the alien, has landed his flying saucer in the center of Washington, D.C., much to the shock of the locals. Michael Rennie, who befriends earthling Patricia Neal, confides in her that if anything happens to him to tell Gort three secret words to stop the big metal guy from destroying the earth. "KLAATU, BARATA, NIKTO." Remember those words, like everyone did for decades after the film was shown. Not surprisingly, Patricia Neal has to eventually tell Gort "Klaatu, Barata, Nicto," and saves earth for another remake that I believe will be released this year, starring Keanu Reeves.

I'm an auto journalist and not a movie reviewer, so let me get to the point of this tale. In my article about the film, I mentioned that the giant destructive robot was not real, but there are real giant metal machines all around us that are destroying the earth. They are called SUVs and minivans, thand they use an inordinate amount of fuel. I wrote that fifteen years ago. With gasoline costing a fortune now, very few people are buying large Gort sized machinery. If the public continues buying gas guzzlers, it could really be the day the earth stands still, because we'll be outta gas. Outta gas at a reasonable price. Outta fuel oil that is affordable. Outta diesel fuel that keep the vitality in capitalism and is the backbone of virtually everything we purchase that is transported commercially by trucks, trains or ships. I don't consider myself a tree hugger or especially green, I'm just a realist. America must make, and we must purchase, vehicles that get much better gas mileage.

Many things have changed over the years in automobiles, most for the better, some for the worse. Remember those little triangular vent windows on the front doors of cars? They were mandatory before the advent of air-conditioning and were always great fun to play with when a car was speeding along. We'll never see those again. The same goes for those pop-up-with-lever-from-under-the-dash cowl vents. They were literally very cool. Three speed stick shifts on the steering wheel column, "Three on the tree," as they were called. Good-bye forever. What about the good dependable carburetor? About the only people that use them today are Briggs and Stratton. Cars dripping in chrome, tail fins, ooga-ooga horns, dual slanted radio antennas on the rear fenders, fender skirts, wheel beauty rings, fat white wall tires, spotlights, all that stuff is long gone but not forgotten. Why? Styles have changed and modern automobiles have much improved.

Cars will continue to get better, but from now on, yearly model change ads will start bragging about mileage improvements. Finally there is a revolution going on. General Motors has stopped production of many of its larger gas hungry vehicles. Ford will soon start crossbreeding its American models with many of its European offerings. Chrysler is at an impasse, but if their new owners want to stay in business, they had better wise up like the rest of the big three. Toyota, Honda, Mazda and Nissan have always been leaders of the small car game plan, mainly because they have always built fuel efficient cars for their home market, so they have had a jump on Detroit. All of them will soon start designing even smaller cars for the American marketplace. The time is now, and Americans are hungry for fuel savings. I guarantee sales will flourish for any micro car that is offered. Volkswagen is planning a series of really small sub-Golf sized vehicles, with extremely tiny, around one liter, engines.

There is a new golden age of automobiles coming down the highway. Post WWII was the rebirth of the modern era of body design. In the 50s, it was the development of luxury accessories like power steering, electric windows, air-conditioning and hi-fi in automobile radios. In the 60s and 70s, it was the horsepower race, with each manufacturer competing as to who had the most powerful engine. In the '80s it was all about streamlining, and every car started to look like an egg. From the '90s it was all about size. The credo was height is might. Cars became longer, higher, heavier, faster and thirstier. As the new century evolved, electronic gimmicks ruled, culminating with cars that can direct you to your destination and actually park themselves. Gort is alive....and he's powered, not by some mysterious alien force, but by barrels of expensive fuel. The next time you're in a car dealership looking for a new purchase and come across a gas hog, stop in your tracks, think smart and say these three magic words, Klaatu, Barata, Nikto. Stop Gort.

Bob Gelber, an automotive journalist living in the Hamptons, appears regularly on television as an automotive expert. You can email him at bobgelber@aol.com