Dan's Papers - June 29, 2007

A beach party is the ideal way to celebrate during the summer. Nothing's better than a couple of friends, a little fire and some sand. Before you decide to have a party, check to see if you need permits. I know it's a pain and really takes the spontaneity out of the event, but it's better than the police coming and handing out summonses.

Now that that's out of the way, lets get to the good stuff. First things first, hire someone to cater it. I know that seems silly, but if it's more than five people, you're just better off letting someone else go through all the trouble and clean-up. It seems like there are about a thousand companies on the East End that would be happy to cater your event.

Run down the list of foods - hot dogs and hamburgers, (veggie burgers and soy dogs for those types), lobsters, corn on the cob, steamers, mussels, a raw bar, a salad (which no one will eat, but at least you can say you tried), beer, wine, soda, water. Do you really want to lug all these things down to the beach by yourself only to cart off the remains in the dark later that night? I didn't think so. Just hire someone so you can enjoy the festivities.

If they don't provide dining tables, look to rent them from someone else. I've been to a beach party that had two-foot banquet tables, which were perfect. Don't worry about chairs, as people will sit in the sand or on towels. They just shouldn't have to put their food in it. Also, have enough candles on the tables so guests can see. Nothing is worse than sitting in the dark while trying to eat. It's even better if the candles are citronella. Speaking of bug control, have a bug spray station. Put this downwind of all food and guests. Leave a couple options, OFF, Skin So Soft, Cutters, allowing guests to stay bug free.

After food, the next thing to think about is entertainment. Bring a guitar. For some reason, in every movie with a beach party there's someone who can play guitar. Hopefully if you bring one, that guy (or someone just like him) will come and play music all night long. If you don't believe in such things as movie-style fate, invite some friends that play instruments. They'll love to see you, love to eat free lobster and love that people are willing to listen to them play music. Starving artists are such pawns.

With music sorted out, its time to look for basic games that are fun for the whole family and easy enough to deal with. Bring a few cheap kites for the kids. Avoid the temptation to buy inexpensive water guns for everyone. It sounds like a good idea until you get shot in the eye with saltwater from close range. Horseshoes is a simple game that requires minimal physical labor and can keep people occupied for hours. Set up a couple stations so the lines don't get too long.

Due to wind, stay away from balloons, beach balls or anything else that could blow or roll away. The last thing you want is to suffocate a whale out at sea, because your "it's a beach party" balloons blew out over the ocean.

Light a big fire. Half the reason to have a beach party is that it's an excuse to light a huge fire. It plays into the primitive nature of all humans (that and it gives you a focal point in which to chat up the opposite sex). Check the rules about beach fires. I'm pretty sure the town has put the kibosh on them, too.

It isn't a bad idea to pack a couple extra sweaters. Even in the height of the summer it can get a bit cool at the beach. If you've got a beach permit for your car, it's a good idea to bring it down to the beach. The truck becomes perfect for storage. Extra clothes, games, candles, everything can go in the truck, leading to a worry free evening. If you have faith that it isn't going to get washed away in the tide or if you've had too much to drink, you can probably leave it overnight.

That's about it. Have a blast. Just one thing you should avoid - drunken, nocturnal skinny dipping. I know it sounds fantastic, but...haven't you ever seen Jaws?